(Howard and Mike walk in, dressed as thugs as Raise Up by Petey Pablo plays)

Howard: Yo, yo, yo whazzup cracka-ass crackas!

Mike: What, what, what? So, so, so like what?

Howard: Yo, dis be the Mo Styles Show. I be Mo Styles, and here wif me is Diddy Fresh, my cracka.

Mike: Much love, B.

Howard: Me an Diddy be runnin from the mother-fuckin po-po for 26 mother fucking hours now. I ain’t kill that bitch! What bitch? I don’t know no bitches! Bitch.

Mike: But they ain’t gonna find us, yo. Can’t nobody hold us down. When I’m rollin by, crackas can’t see me.

Howard: Picture me rollin. Pigs be tryin to catch me, but I gets away... scribbada!

Mike: Man, Phat Burger still be open? Yo, I’m bouts to get by grizub on.

Howard: I don’t know, dog. But yo money, the law ain’t go find us here, yo. Those punk ass mother fuckers ain’t go find us here at the Mo Styles Show on cable channel deuce-deuce.

Mike: Public access yo, what up.

Howard: This be the Mo Styles Show, where me and Diddy lay it down fo y’all fo bout 3 to 5 minutes.

Mike: Yo man, hold up, hold up. Dat bitch be pagin me again. (answers phone) Bitch, I done told you not to call me no mo. No bitch, Shaniqua ain’t my baby. Dat be Darnell’s kid. BEE-ATCH.

Howard: Man, dat bitch be trippin. She ain’t know what it’s like to be a cracka up here in da hood.

Mike: Shit, dog. I grew up in Beaverdale Iowa. B-Dale, you hear me. People with white picket fences, all out there mowin their lawns, walkin their dogs and shit. Fuck’s up with that? Man, what’s society comin to? This shit be crazy. It’s all about opressin the white fuckin males, B.

Howard: Yeah, dog. Just the other day my mom’s bitch-ass accountant done told her to sell her mother-fuckin lake home, and the fuckin yacht. I be all like, bitch, I ain’t about to sell my mother-fucking lake home.

Mike: Man, dat shit’s fo real.

Howard: Aight. Dis be time fo the word of the mother-fuckin day.

Mike: Word.

Howard: Of the day.

Mike: Word.

Howard: Day’s word, be shiznit. Say it wif me... shiiiiz-nit.

Mike: Shiz-nit. What, what?

Howard: Lemme use it in a sentence. Man, dis endo be da shiznit.

Mike: Man, that’s what I’m talkin bout. Sheezy my neezy in da hizzo wif da mizzo on da izzo from da lizzle.

Howard: Yo, fo real. Believe dat!

Girl: Michael! Is your little friend Howard staying for dinner? I’m making fishsticks.

Mike: Uh, yeah mom. We’ll be right up. Just hold on a second, please?

Girl: OK snookums. I don’t want my little boy’s tummy to get all growly. Who’s my little boy?

Mike: Mom, you’re embarrassing me!

Howard: Sweet, dude. Fishsticks. That sounds really good, man.

Mike: Yeah man, my mom’s a nice lady. (pause, look confused) Man, we gots to head, y’all. Mother fuckin po-po be right on our heels. Sides, yo, I gots to smoke me a fuckin j, and drink some fo-dees.

Howard: Yeah, cracka. Dat be all fo today. We gots to eat ourselves some mother fucking fishsticks. Dat shit be phat, dog.

Mike: Them fishsticks be the shiznit. Specially wif my mom’s tarta sauce. Shiznit!

Howard: Word of the day, yo. Nice!

Mike: Thanks, bro. Much love.

Howard: We all brothers. Anyway, we gots to bounce outta dis side da hood. Yo, til next time, I be Mo Styles, dis be Diddy Fresh, and we be keepin it real. Peace out.

Mike: Bee-atch!

"The Mo Styles Show" debuted February 22, 2002.

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