copyright © 2002 Howard Zimmerle

Storytime Wif Mo Styles

(Howard enters, with Roll Out by Ludacris plays. Howard is dressed like an inner-city thug)

Howard: Yo, yo, yo, dis be Storytime wif Mo Styles. I be Mo Styles, and Iím go be readin some stories to some boys and little fuckin girls, know what Iím sayin?

Little Boy: You said the ďf wordĒ!

Howard: Bitch, I ainít say no mother-fuckin ďf-wordĒ mother fucker! Best back up in yo seat fo I bust a cap in yo bitch ass. Cracka-ass cracka!

Little Boy: Iím sorry!

Howard: Yeah. Datís what Iím talkin bout. Fo real. Fo I kizzy up my nizzy and shizzy in the hizzy, we gotís to do the word of the day. Word. Dayís word... is biz-naz. Lemme use it in a sentence. ďStay the fuck out my buis-nazĒ. Say it wif me... biz-naz. (no one says anything). I SAID SAY IT MOTHER FUCKER!! (pulls out toy gun and points it at kids).

Kids: Business.

Howard: Yeah. Datís what Iím talkin bout. Fo real. Now dayís story is bout me and my homies tryin to score some endo. Know what Iím sayin, dog?

Kid 2: I wanna hear the Three Little Pigs.

Howard: Bitch, I ainít readin bout no fuckin pigs. Only pigs I talk bout are the fuckin LAPD, and only thing Iím puffin is some fuckin endo. Know what Iím sayin? Shit. So me and my homeboy Tino be tryin to score some endo, and I be all like, ďEndo? Smells mo like Outdo.Ē Then Tino be all like ďYou done stole dat from Friday mother fucker!Ē And I be all like ďBitch I didnít steal shitĒ and... yo, yo, yo...hold up, hold up. I gots me a phone call. (phone rings, Howard pulls out huge cell phone) Hello? (assumes white boy voice). Hi baby. No, Iím sorry. Iíll buy you dinner later. Yes. I love you. Aw bugga bugga bugga. I love you too. Bye. (reassumes thug voice). Shit... I show that bitch whaz up. See dis? Dis be a cell phone. Itís so big itís like what that cracker Zach Morris used on Saved by the mother fucking Bell. Itís my Saved by the Bell Phone. Shit. Where was I? Oh yeah, so me an Tino wants to get some endo. I be all like ďYeah man. We need to get some endo, cause pimpin ainít easy but it necessary, so Iím chasin hoes like Tom chase Jerry.Ē And Tino be all like ďMan, you done stole that shit from Ice CubeĒ and I be all like ďMan I ainít steal shit. Fo real.Ē End of story. Peace to my crackas in Dodgetown.

Kid 2: I have to go to the bathroom.

Howard: Aight, Aight, it time fo me to bounce up outta dis here joint, know what Iím sayin? Gotsa play some basketball, smoke a mother fuckin j, so I ainít got no time fo dis shit. Til next time, I be Mo Styles, and dis be Storytime wif Mo Styles. Keep it real, dog.


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