(Howard enters, with Roll Out by Ludacris plays. Howard is dressed like an inner-city thug)

Howard: Yo, yo, yo, dis be Storytime wif Mo Styles. I be Mo Styles, and I’m go be readin some stories to some boys and little fuckin girls, know what I’m sayin?

Little Boy: You said the “f word”!

Howard: Bitch, I ain’t say no mother-fuckin “f-word” mother fucker! Best back up in yo seat fo I bust a cap in yo bitch ass. Cracka-ass cracka!

Little Boy: I’m sorry!

Howard: Yeah. Dat’s what I’m talkin bout. Fo real. Fo I kizzy up my nizzy and shizzy in the hizzy, we got’s to do the word of the day. Word. Day’s word... is biz-naz. Lemme use it in a sentence. “Stay the fuck out my buis-naz”. Say it wif me... biz-naz. (no one says anything). I SAID SAY IT MOTHER FUCKER!! (pulls out toy gun and points it at kids).

Kids: Business.

Howard: Yeah. Dat’s what I’m talkin bout. Fo real. Now day’s story is bout me and my homies tryin to score some endo. Know what I’m sayin, dog?

Kid 2: I wanna hear the Three Little Pigs.

Howard: Bitch, I ain’t readin bout no fuckin pigs. Only pigs I talk bout are the fuckin LAPD, and only thing I’m puffin is some fuckin endo. Know what I’m sayin? Shit. So me and my homeboy Tino be tryin to score some endo, and I be all like, “Endo? Smells mo like Outdo.” Then Tino be all like “You done stole dat from Friday mother fucker!” And I be all like “Bitch I didn’t steal shit” and... yo, yo, yo...hold up, hold up. I gots me a phone call. (phone rings, Howard pulls out huge cell phone) Hello? (assumes white boy voice). Hi baby. No, I’m sorry. I’ll buy you dinner later. Yes. I love you. Aw bugga bugga bugga. I love you too. Bye. (reassumes thug voice). Shit... I show that bitch whaz up. See dis? Dis be a cell phone. It’s so big it’s like what that cracker Zach Morris used on Saved by the mother fucking Bell. It’s my Saved by the Bell Phone. Shit. Where was I? Oh yeah, so me an Tino wants to get some endo. I be all like “Yeah man. We need to get some endo, cause pimpin ain’t easy but it necessary, so I’m chasin hoes like Tom chase Jerry.” And Tino be all like “Man, you done stole that shit from Ice Cube” and I be all like “Man I ain’t steal shit. Fo real.” End of story. Peace to my crackas in Dodgetown.

Kid 2: I have to go to the bathroom.

Howard: Aight, Aight, it time fo me to bounce up outta dis here joint, know what I’m sayin? Gotsa play some basketball, smoke a mother fuckin j, so I ain’t got no time fo dis shit. Til next time, I be Mo Styles, and dis be Storytime wif Mo Styles. Keep it real, dog.

• February 8, 2002 - No Shame Cedar Falls
  

  Performed by Howard Zimmerle, Becca Waggoner, ??, ??.

• February 20, 2004 - No Shame La Crosse
  

  Performed by Ryan Soberg, Scott Jenks and Dixie Roberts

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