Reporter: Good evening Americans. As you may know, our American forces bombed Iraq this morning, enforcing what is known as the “no-fly” zone. Here to discuss what may become the beginning of an increase in hostilities towards Iraq, is President George W Shrub. Mr. President, can you hear me?

Shrub: Good evening sir.

Reporter: President Shrub, many people are curious as to how you authorized this strike when you were in Mexico.

Shrub: Oh, I don’t have to authorize things. You must have me mistaken for someone with power. I’m the president! (ala “you adorable little ragamuffin, I’m Mr. Burns”)

Reporter: Sir, are you saying that you are just a powerless figurehead?

Shrub: We prefer the term “puppet”.

Reporter: I see. Mr. President, that doesn’t speak well for the well-being of our fine nation.

Shrub: Well, if I had been in that situation, I would have made the same decision.

Reporter: OK, then, in that case can you please elaborate your rationale for the people of the nation?

Shrub: Come again?

Reporter: Would you elaborate your rationale for the tactical strike?

Shrub: Say it in English.

Reporter: Why would you have chosen such a course of action?

Shrub: Could you dumb it down a little bit?

Reporter: Why would you have dropped things that explode on a country? Called Iraq? That’s eee-rahk. Eeeee...

Shrub: OK, OK. Well, I’ll try to explain it this way for all the adolescents in the audience. Saddam was like “Dude, we’re dissin yo no fly-guy zone, yo!” and I was like “Like no way!” and he was like “Way.” So I was like “Bet I bust a cap in yo country’s izass!” and then we bombed them. Killed some people too. Put some children in the hospital. YEAH! WHAT’S UP NOW, SADDAM? WHERE’RE YOUR WOMEN AND CHILDREN AT NOW, BE-AH-EE-AH-ITCH? YOU CAN’T STOP THIS THUNDER! WE’RE THE GREATEST! USA, USA, USA! WE’RE NUMBER ONE! I WANT LENNOX LEWIS! I WANT LENNOX LEWIS! I WANT SADDAM’S HEART! I WANT TO EAT HIS CHILDREN! I WANT TO RIP HIS HEART OUT AND FEED IT TO HIM! PRAISE BE TO ALLAH!!!!

Reporter: Umm... Mr. President?

Shrub: (singing) WEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS... OF THE WOOOOORLD!!!!!! (assumes boxing pose, and Muhammad Ali voice) Float like a butterfly, kick Iraq’s ass! Gonna shock and amaze ya, gonna beat Joe Frazier.

Reporter: Mr. Shrub, aren’t you being awfully truculent?

Shrub: I don’t know what truculent means, but if it’s good, I’m that.

Reporter: I guess I just don’t understand why we have chosen to bomb Iraq like this.

Shrub: It’s simple straggedy, really. We have told Iraq not to fly planes over a certain plot of land, and they did so anyway. So we killed some innocent civilians and caused millions of dollars of damage. Bombs over Baghdad baby!

Reporter: I see. Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you Mr. President for spending this time with us. We would like to return you now to your regular programming.

"Bombs Over Baghdad" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

"Bombs Over Baghdad" debuted February 16, 2001, performed by Jesse Wozniak & Howard Zimmerle.

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