MAN: Why is it nobody wants to talk about all the good things Hitler did?

Six million Jews dead in the gas chambers. That’s all anybody wants to talk about. You’d think that’s all Hitler ever did.

Now, I’m not one of those crackpots who says the Holocaust never happened. But let’s put things in perspective. Let’s look at the big picture. Let’s look at all the lives Hitler saved.

That’s right, saved.

You want to know who the real heroes of the Third Reich were? They weren’t people like Goering or Goebels or Eichmann. Phw! They were thugs. Or worse, bureaucrats.

No, I’m talking about the true visionaries of the Reich: The scientists! People like Franz Muller, Eberhard Schairer, Erich Schoniger. Now those are your heroes. Those are the names you should remember. But you don’t do you? Shame on you. Shame.

They were the first scientists to establish a link between smoking and lung cancer. (Optional: Muller ran the first controlled epidemiological study in 1939; Schairer and Schoniger confirmed his results in 1943.) That’s right: The goose-stepping Nazis were the ones who first determined that smoking was hazardous to your health.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

It was Hitler who banned smoking on buses and trains. Who refused to issue ration coupons for tobacco to pregnant women. It was Hitler – Hitler! – who cracked down on tobacco advertising and decreed that tobacco advertising could not portray smoking as a glamorous, masculine pastime. The Nazis specifically forbid cigarette ads that associated smoking with sports – or auto racing. Hitler called these measures "the beginning of the end" of the vice that fouled the lungs and sapped the moral character of the master race.

So think about it: Who really won World War II? I’ll tell you who won: The smokers won World War II.

And because of that, think of how many more people were condemned to die.

(Lights out.)

------- THE END ---------

(A man speaks directly to the audience.)

MAN: Why is it nobody wants to talk about all the good things Hitler did?

Six million Jews dead in the gas chambers. That’s all anybody wants to talk about. You’d think that’s all Hitler ever did.

Now, I’m not one of those crackpots who says the Holocaust never happened. But let’s put things in perspective. Let’s look at the big picture. Let’s look at all the lives Hitler saved.

That’s right, saved.

You want to know who the real heroes of the Third Reich were? They weren’t people like Goering or Goebels or Eichmann. Phw! They were thugs. Or worse, bureaucrats.

No, I’m talking about the true visionaries of the Reich: The scientists! People like Franz Muller, Eberhard Schairer, Erich Schoniger. Now those are your heroes. Those are the names you should remember. But you don’t do you? Shame on you. Shame.

They were the first scientists to establish a link between smoking and lung cancer. (Optional: Muller ran the first controlled epidemiological study in 1939; Schairer and Schoniger confirmed his results in 1943.) That’s right: The goose-stepping Nazis were the ones who first determined that smoking was hazardous to your health.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

It was Hitler who banned smoking on buses and trains. Who refused to issue ration coupons for tobacco to pregnant women. It was Hitler – Hitler! – who cracked down on tobacco advertising and decreed that tobacco advertising could not portray smoking as a glamorous, masculine pastime. The Nazis specifically forbid cigarette ads that associated smoking with sports – or auto racing. Hitler called these measures "the beginning of the end" of the vice that fouled the lungs and sapped the moral character of the master race.

So think about it: Who really won World War II? I’ll tell you who won: The smokers won World War II.

Roosevelt, he always had that damned cigarette holder. Churchill had his cigar. Hitler, he abstained completely and thought you should, too.

(Lights out.)

------- THE END ---------

(A man speaks directly to the audience.)

MAN: Why is it nobody wants to talk about all the good things Hitler did?

Six million Jews dead in the gas chambers. That’s all anybody wants to talk about. You’d think that’s all Hitler ever did.

Now, I’m not one of those crackpots who says the Holocaust never happened. But let’s put things in perspective. Let’s look at the big picture. Let’s look at all the lives Hitler saved.

That’s right, saved.

You want to know who the real heroes of the Third Reich were? They weren’t people like Goering or Goebels or Eichmann. Phw! They were thugs. Or worse, bureaucrats.

No, I’m talking about the true visionaries of the Reich: The scientists! People like Franz Muller, Eberhard Schairer, Erich Schoniger. Now those are your heroes. Those are the names you should remember. But you don’t do you? Shame on you. Shame.

They were the first scientists to establish a link between smoking and lung cancer. (Optional: Muller ran the first controlled epidemiological study in 1939; Schairer and Schoniger confirmed his results in 1943.) That’s right: The goose-stepping Nazis were the ones who first determined that smoking was hazardous to your health.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

It was Hitler who banned smoking on buses and trains. Who refused to issue ration coupons for tobacco to pregnant women. It was Hitler – Hitler! – who

cracked down on tobacco advertising and decreed that tobacco advertising could not portray smoking as a glamorous, masculine pastime. The Nazis specifically forbid cigarette ads that associated smoking with sports – or auto racing. Hitler called these measures "the beginning of the end" of the vice that fouled the lungs and sapped the moral character of the master race.

So think about it: Who really won World War II? I’ll tell you who won: The smokers won World War II.

You want to call me an anti-smoking Nazi, you go right ahead. I take that as a compliment.

(Lights out.)

------- THE END ---------

(A man speaks directly to the audience.)

MAN: Why is it nobody wants to talk about all the good things Hitler did?

Six million Jews dead in the gas chambers. That’s all anybody wants to talk about. You’d think that’s all Hitler ever did.

Now, I’m not one of those crackpots who says the Holocaust never happened. But let’s put things in perspective. Let’s look at the big picture. Let’s look at all the lives Hitler saved.

That’s right, saved.

You want to know who the real heroes of the Third Reich were? They weren’t people like Goering or Goebels or Eichmann. Phw! They were thugs. Or worse, bureaucrats.

No, I’m talking about the true visionaries of the Reich: The scientists! People like Franz Muller, Eberhard Schairer, Erich Schoniger. Now those are your heroes. Those are the names you should remember. But you don’t do you? Shame on you. Shame.

They were the first scientists to establish a link between smoking and lung cancer. (Optional: Muller ran the first controlled epidemiological study in 1939; Schairer and Schoniger confirmed his results in 1943.) That’s right: The goose-stepping Nazis were the ones who first determined that smoking was hazardous to your health.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

It was Hitler who banned smoking on buses and trains. Who refused to issue ration coupons for tobacco to pregnant women. It was Hitler – Hitler! – who cracked down on tobacco advertising and decreed that tobacco advertising could not portray smoking as a glamorous, masculine pastime. The Nazis specifically forbid cigarette ads that associated smoking with sports – or auto racing. Hitler called these measures "the beginning of the end" of the vice that fouled the lungs and sapped the moral character of the master race.

Roosevelt, he always had that damned cigarette holder. Churchill had his cigar. Hitler, he abstained completely. So think about it: Who really won World War II? I’ll tell you who won: The smokers won World War II.

And because of that, think of how many more people were condemned to die.

(Lights out.)

------- THE END ---------

(A man speaks directly to the audience.)

MAN: Why is it nobody wants to talk about all the good things Hitler did?

Six million Jews dead in the gas chambers. That’s all anybody wants to talk about. You’d think that’s all Hitler ever did.

Now, I’m not one of those crackpots who says the Holocaust never happened. But let’s put things in perspective. Let’s look at the big picture. Let’s look at all the lives Hitler saved.

That’s right, saved.

You want to know who the real heroes of the Third Reich were? They weren’t people like Goering or Goebels or Eichmann. Phw! They were thugs. Or worse, bureaucrats.

No, I’m talking about the true visionaries of the Reich: The scientists! People like Franz Muller, Eberhard Schairer, Erich Schoniger. Now those are your heroes. Those are the names you should remember. But you don’t do you? Shame on you. Shame.

They were the first scientists to establish a link between smoking and lung cancer. (Optional: Muller ran the first controlled epidemiological study in 1939; Schairer and Schoniger confirmed his results in 1943.) That’s right: The goose-stepping Nazis were the ones who first determined that smoking was hazardous to your health.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

It was Hitler who banned smoking on buses and trains. Who refused to issue ration coupons for tobacco to pregnant women. It was Hitler – Hitler! – who cracked down on tobacco advertising and decreed that tobacco advertising could not portray smoking as a glamorous, masculine pastime. The Nazis specifically forbid cigarette ads that associated smoking with sports – or auto racing. Hitler called these measures "the beginning of the end" of the vice that fouled the lungs and sapped the moral character of the master race.

Roosevelt, he always had that damned cigarette holder. Churchill had his cigar. Hitler, he abstained completely. So think about it: Who really won World War II? I’ll tell you who won: The smokers won World War II.

But if you want to call me an anti-smoking Nazi, you go right ahead. I take that as a compliment. (Lights out.)

------- THE END ---------