FATHER, I CANNOT TELL A LIE

By Dwayne Yancey

Copyright 2004; all rights reserved.

NARRATOR: Good evening. Tonight, we take time to honor an all too-misunderstood American hero – George Washington.

I say misunderstood, because nowadays George Washington’s birthday is only a pale shadow of the national day of celebration it once was in centuries past. All too often when we think of George Washington, it’s as a stuffy, old fellow who never smiled because he had wooden teeth.

In fact, George Washington, in his day, was a true action figure. America’s indispensable man. So tonight we want to take a closer look at the remarkable life of America’s premier founding father.

We’re all familiar, I hope, with the story of Washington’s personal integrity, which stood out even in his childhood.

(Enter young George Washington, with an axe, and his father.)

FATHER: George! Who chopped down my cherry tree?

GEORGE: Father, I cannot tell a lie. I chopped down your cherry tree.

NARRATOR: Ah, the story of George Washington and the cherry tree. Who can forget young George’s honest, if self-incriminating, answer. But before we move on, let’s take a moment to see just how unusual young George’s answer really was. Consider, for instance, how the present incumbent might have answered that question.

FATHER: George! Who chopped down my cherry tree?

GEORGE: Mission accomplished!

NARRATOR: Or consider his predecessor, Bill Clinton.

GEORGE: Well, that depends on what your definition of chopped is!

NARRATOR: It’s not just the honesty of young George’s answer that captures our imagination. For instance, a young Jimmy Carter might have answered truthfully, as well.

GEORGE: Father, I cannot tell a lie. I have lusted in my heart for that cherry tree.

NARRATOR: A young Ronald Reagan might have used the occasion to blame the Russians.

GEORGE: Mr. Gorbachev, chop down that cherry tree!

NARRATOR: And we all know what a young Richard Nixon might have said.

GEORGE: I am not a crook!

NARRATOR: It’s also instructive to contrast young George’s answer with those of some of our lesser-known presidents. Take, for instance, William Henry Harrison, who died after only a month in office.

GEORGE: (coughs, sickly and uncontrollably.)

NARRATOR: OK, let’s, uh, let’s not take William Henry Harrison.

But why limit ourselves to former presidents? Young George’s answer compares favorably to that of almost any celebrity you can imagine.

Say – Britney Spears.

GEORGE: Oops! I did it again!

NARRATOR: Or Janet Jackson.

GEORGE: Equipment malfunction!

NARRATOR: Or Jeffrey Dahmer.

FATHER: George! Who chopped down my cherry tree?

GEORGE (grinning broadly): I did. For a garnish.

FATHER: Garnish? What are you talking about?

NARRATOR: Jefferey Dahmer?! The serial killer?!!

(George smiles wickedly, holds the axe high and chases Father from the stage.)

NARRATOR (in a hurry to get to the exit): Uh, excuse me, I’ll, uh, I’ll be right back. Next week – George Washington throws a silver dollar across the Potomac. Wait! Come back!

(Screams are heard offstage.)

Put that thing down!

(More screams.)

Not like that!

(More screams.)

(Lights out.)

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Cast of three – 1 adult male, 1 non-gender adult, 1 pre-teen male.

Narrator (NG)

Young George Washington (M)

Washington’s father (M)

Dwayne Yancey