THE ULTIMATE VALENTINES DAY PRESENT
By Dwayne Yancey
Copyright 2004; all rights reserved.
(A young couple, very much in love, sit across a desk from a doctor.)
DOCTOR: Youre crazy!
(The man and woman look at each other, smile, nod vigorously and answer in unison.)
MAN and WOMAN: Crazy in love! (Alternate: Crazy for love!)
DOCTOR: But what youre talking about is dangerous!
MAN: Love is all about risk!
DOCTOR: Im sure its unethical.
WOMAN: True love knows no bounds!
DOCTOR: Possibly even illegal. I just dont know. But I do know this. I cant do this. No way. Its out of the question.
MAN: Are you sure?
DOCTOR: Quite sure.
MAN: Because we, well, we sort of
WOMAN: You know how it is, doctor
MAN and WOMAN (in unison): We had our hearts set on this!
(Man and woman giggle, realizing theyre speaking in unison.)
DOCTOR: Let me ask you two this. How did you ever come up with such a hare-brained scheme as this anyway?
MAN and WOMAN: Well, the way we figured it (they stop, and giggle, realizing theyre answering in unison.)
MAN: You go ahead.
WOMAN: No, you.
MAN and WOMAN: Well, the way (they giggle again.)
MAN: The way we figured it was like this. Weve already exchanged rings. (They show off their fingers.)
WOMAN: Exchanged vows!
MAN: Exchanged bodily fluids!
WOMAN: Well, technically we did that before we did some of these other things, but, you know, thats just how love is!
MAN: So the way we figured it, why not give each other the ultimate gift this Valentines Day.
DOCTOR: So you want to exchange hearts?
MAN and WOMAN: Thats right!
MAN: Hers for mine, mine for hers, an even swap. We thought itd be no trouble at all. Were both healthy, weve got good insurance, weve signed our organ donor cards.
WOMAN: This way, no matter where we are, we always have a piece of each other right here. (She puts her hand son her heart.)
DOCTOR: And a lock of his hair wouldnt do?
WOMAN: Ive already got that!
MAN: Thats so old-fashioned, anyway.
MAN and WOMAN: Were in love!
DOCTOR: Well, Im sorry. Theres really nothing I can do for you. I wish you well, but this just isnt possible. I think everyone will tell you that.
MAN: Well, thank you anyway. Come on, dear, lets go.
(Man and woman get ready to exit, and talk on their way out.)
WOMAN: What about, you know, the other thing
MAN: Oh, Plan B. Right . .. Uh, just one thing, doctor.
DOCTOR: Whats that?
MAN: Is it true that surgeons nowadays can reattach certain body parts after theyve been cut off. You know, like in accidents.
WOMAN: You know, small ones. Like fingers. Not anything like arms or legs or anything like that.
DOCTOR: Well, yes, it has been known to be done. It all depends on how the extremity was amputated in the first place how much damage was done to the nerve endings, that sort of thing. Why do you ask?
MAN (looking at woman): What do you say? Ring finger?
WOMAN (holding up ring finger and nodding affirmatively): Ring finger.
(Man pulls out a long knife, and puts the womans hand on the doctors desk, and prepares to slice it off.)
DOCTOR (horrified): What do you think youre doing?
MAN (to the woman): I promise Ill be gentle. One, two, three
(Lights out abruptly at the count of three. You may or may not wish for the woman to scream in the darkness.)
------- THE END ------------
Cast of characters: Three
1791 Mount Pleasant Church Road
Fincastle, VA 24090
Days: 540 981 3113
Nights: 540 473 3313
E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.orgTHIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Todd Ristau, John Bryant and Laura Tuggle Anderson