copyright © 2004 Dwayne Yancey

PUSH MY BUTTONS (The Democratic version)

By Dwayne Yancey

Copyright 2004; all rights reserved.

(The scene takes place entirely in darkness. As it begins, we hear a man and a woman making out. They are kissing and moaning. They should improvise some lines such as "oh baby" and "oh yes" and "oh!" We should hear some sounds to suggest that he is attempting to remove some of her clothing. Suddenly, the man screams in pain. He has stuck himself on a campaign button the woman is wearing.)

HIM: Ow!

HER: What’s wrong?

HIM: What’s that?

HER: What’s what?

HIM: That! Right there.

HER (giggles): Oh. That’s my button.

HIM: Button? I thought it had hooks or straps or something.

HER: Not that silly. My (insert name of prominent Democratic candidate; in 2004, this would be: Kerry-Edwards) button.

HIM: Your what?

HER: My (insert name of prominent Democratic candidate; in 2004, this would be: Kerry-Edwards) button.

HIM (taken aback): I didn’t know you were wearing a (insert name of prominent Democratic candidate; in 2004, this would be: Kerry-Edwards) button.

HER: That’s because you were too busy looking at my, well, you know. (She giggles.)

HIM: Uh yeah, I guess.

HER: So, do you want me to take that off, too?

HIM: Uh, no, that’s, uh all right.

HER: Or maybe you want to take it off?

HIM: Uh, yeah, I guess.

HER: Well, go right ahead.

HIM: Uh, well, I dunno.

HER: What’s wrong?

HIM: Oh, uh, nothing’s wrong.

HER: Something’s wrong.

HIM: It’s just that, I dunno, I guess I didn’t know you were a Democrat.

HER: Isn’t everyone?

HIM: Uh, no.

HER: Well, everyone with any common sense is.

HIM: Uh, look, I’m not sure this is a good idea.

HER: What’s not a good idea.

HIM: Uh, this. You know. Us.

HER: Us? What are you talking about?

HIM: Well, it’s just, uh, I don’t know. This feels kinda weird.

HER: What feels weird? This – (she giggles)

HIM: Uh, no, uh, stop that.

HER: Or this. (She giggles again.)

HIM: No, I uh, look, I just don’t feel right about this.

HER: About what?

HIM: About, you know, being with a Democrat.

HER: What do you mean it doesn’t feel right?

HIM: Well, look, I’m not really that big a fan of Democrats.

HER (coyly): How come?

HIM: Well, I dunno. They’re so, I don’t know, soft on crime. Soft on defense.

HER: And you don’t like things that are soft? Ummm? You like things that are hard?

HIM: And, well, yes, I mean, uh, no, I mean – 

HER (coyly): Maybe I can help persuade you. Are you a swing voter?

HIM: Uh, look, I hate to do this, but I really don’t think we’re compatible here.

HER: Compatible?

HIM: Maybe I should be going.

HER: It’s a one-night stand. How compatible do we have to be?

HIM: Well, you know, look, I’m sorry, but this whole thing just sort of freaks me out, OK?

HER: What thing?

HIM: I mean Democrats believe in that whole gay marriage thing. And then, you, me – I don’t just see how – you know – that, and then this –

HER: You’re silly. I like silly.

(She kisses him.)

HIM: Uh, thanks, but –

HER: So you’ve never been with a Democrat before?

HIM: Uh, no. No, I haven’t.

HER: Well, there’s a first time for everything.

HIM: I guess. Well, maybe that, but not this. I mean, you know –

HER (coyly): I can be bi-partisan. (She accentuates the bi part.)

HIM: Bi-bi-bi partisan, huh?

HER: Sure.

HIM: But, but, but –

HER: Come here. I’ve got some other buttons you can push, too.

---------------- THE END -------------------

Dwayne Yancey

1791 Mount Pleasant Church Road

Fincastle, VA 24090

Days: 540 981 3113

Nights: 540 473 3313



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