PUSH MY BUTTONS (The Democratic version)
By Dwayne Yancey
Copyright 2004; all rights reserved.
(The scene takes place entirely in darkness. As it begins, we hear a man and a woman making out. They are kissing and moaning. They should improvise some lines such as "oh baby" and "oh yes" and "oh!" We should hear some sounds to suggest that he is attempting to remove some of her clothing. Suddenly, the man screams in pain. He has stuck himself on a campaign button the woman is wearing.)
HER: Whats wrong?
HIM: Whats that?
HER: Whats what?
HIM: That! Right there.
HER (giggles): Oh. Thats my button.
HIM: Button? I thought it had hooks or straps or something.
HER: Not that silly. My (insert name of prominent Democratic candidate; in 2004, this would be: Kerry-Edwards) button.
HIM: Your what?
HER: My (insert name of prominent Democratic candidate; in 2004, this would be: Kerry-Edwards) button.
HIM (taken aback): I didnt know you were wearing a (insert name of prominent Democratic candidate; in 2004, this would be: Kerry-Edwards) button.
HER: Thats because you were too busy looking at my, well, you know. (She giggles.)
HIM: Uh yeah, I guess.
HER: So, do you want me to take that off, too?
HIM: Uh, no, thats, uh all right.
HER: Or maybe you want to take it off?
HIM: Uh, yeah, I guess.
HER: Well, go right ahead.
HIM: Uh, well, I dunno.
HER: Whats wrong?
HIM: Oh, uh, nothings wrong.
HER: Somethings wrong.
HIM: Its just that, I dunno, I guess I didnt know you were a Democrat.
HER: Isnt everyone?
HIM: Uh, no.
HER: Well, everyone with any common sense is.
HIM: Uh, look, Im not sure this is a good idea.
HER: Whats not a good idea.
HIM: Uh, this. You know. Us.
HER: Us? What are you talking about?
HIM: Well, its just, uh, I dont know. This feels kinda weird.
HER: What feels weird? This (she giggles)
HIM: Uh, no, uh, stop that.
HER: Or this. (She giggles again.)
HIM: No, I uh, look, I just dont feel right about this.
HER: About what?
HIM: About, you know, being with a Democrat.
HER: What do you mean it doesnt feel right?
HIM: Well, look, Im not really that big a fan of Democrats.
HER (coyly): How come?
HIM: Well, I dunno. Theyre so, I dont know, soft on crime. Soft on defense.
HER: And you dont like things that are soft? Ummm? You like things that are hard?
HIM: And, well, yes, I mean, uh, no, I mean
HER (coyly): Maybe I can help persuade you. Are you a swing voter?
HIM: Uh, look, I hate to do this, but I really dont think were compatible here.
HIM: Maybe I should be going.
HER: Its a one-night stand. How compatible do we have to be?
HIM: Well, you know, look, Im sorry, but this whole thing just sort of freaks me out, OK?
HER: What thing?
HIM: I mean Democrats believe in that whole gay marriage thing. And then, you, me I dont just see how you know that, and then this
HER: Youre silly. I like silly.
(She kisses him.)
HIM: Uh, thanks, but
HER: So youve never been with a Democrat before?
HIM: Uh, no. No, I havent.
HER: Well, theres a first time for everything.
HIM: I guess. Well, maybe that, but not this. I mean, you know
HER (coyly): I can be bi-partisan. (She accentuates the bi part.)
HIM: Bi-bi-bi partisan, huh?
HIM: But, but, but
HER: Come here. Ive got some other buttons you can push, too.
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