MAN: When I was 13 years old, I made a deal with God and now – more than 30 years later, it looks like He’s going to hold me to it.

Damn!

But what I can do? A deal’s a deal and a deal with God Himself, well, that’s serious business.

OK, here’s the whole story: When I was a kid, I was a baseball fan. Not just a baseball fan, but a Washington Senators fan.

Yeah, the Washington Senators.

You know what they used to say about Washington? Washington: First in war, first in peace – last in the American League.

The Senators were the most hapless team there ever was. But they were my team, and I loved them. I had an old AM transistor radio; I’d go to sleep on summer nights listening to the games. There was Frank Howard, the home run hitter. Eddie Brinkman, the shortstop who always gripped his bat way up the neck like this. Mike Epstein the first baseman, Paul Casanova the catcher, Horatio Pena, the relief pitcher who always threw sidearm like this – oh man, I could go on and on.

But then – they moved.

To Dallas, to become the Texas Rangers.

Now I know nowadays sports teams move all the time, but in those days, when you’re 13 years old and your favorite team up and leaves town – well, I’m not ashamed to tell you. I was heartbroken..

And you know what I did? I shook my fist at heaven and swore to the Lord above that I would never again be a baseball fan until there was a team back in Washington.

For the three decades since then, I have more than held up my end of the bargain. I haven’t just ignore Major League Baseball; I have despised it. I have heered for its ultimate destruction.

Every time there’s a labor negotiation, I’m pulling for a strike. When the World Series was cancelled, I threw a party. My favorite Star Trek episode? It’s from Deep Space Nine; Captain Sisco is a baseball fan and there’s a reference to how baseball went extinct sometime in the 21st century.

Yeah, that was my doing.

I have come to love my hatred of baseball. It defines who I am: I am a man who can hold a grudge.

But now look what’s happening– if you’ve been following the news, you know that Major League Baseball is talking about moving the Montreal Expos – and you know where they might move to?

That’s right. Washington.

So what’s this mean for me? I’m trying to remember the exact wording of my deal with the Almighty. Did it have to be the Senators coming back to Washington, or just any baseball team? And what if the team plays out in Northern Virginia? Does that count? What kind of God are we dealing with anyway? Is this an Old Testatment letter of the law kind of deity, or a New Testament spirit of the law kind of Supreme Being? It makes a big difference. I mean, you don’t want to welch on a deal, especially with the Big Man Upstairs.

(Son enters with baseball gear.)

SON: Hey Dad, you wanna play catch?

MAN: I’m figuring I can’t take any chances. Sure, come on, son.

SON: So tell me again about Eddie Brinkman . . .

(Man and son exit as lights fade.)

------------ THE END ---------------

Dwayne Yancey

1791 Mount Pleasant Church Road

Fincastle, VA 24090

Days: 540 981 3113

Nights: 540 473 3313

E-mail: dwayneyancey@yahoo.com