(A waiting room at heaven’s gate. An angel sits at the receptionist’s desk. There are some seats, a soaking-wet Californian waits in one of them. A soaking-wet Floridian is standing at the receptionist’s desk. They’ve both just jumped off bridges to their death and are now awaiting judgment.)

ANGEL: You can just have a seat right over there.

FLORIDIAN: Over here?

ANGEL: We’ll call you when we’re ready.

FLORIDIAN: Will it take long?

ANGEL: It could take an eternity. Just go have a seat and we’ll let you know.

FLORIDIAN: OK.

ANGEL: And try not to track too much water over there, OK?

FLORIDIAN: OK.

(Floridian goes and sits.)

ANGEL (on the phone): Can you have maintenance come up here again? Yeah, we’ve had another jumper come in. (Optional:) It’s like a flood up here or something. I thought we weren’t going to do that again?

CALIFORNIAN: You, too, huh?

FLORIDIAN: I guess so.

CALIFORNIAN: Jumped, right?

FLORIDIAN: Me? Yeah, I jumped.

CALIFORNIAN: Thought so. Me, too.

FLORIDIAN: I see.

CALIFORNIAN: Golden Gate Bridge.

FLORIDIAN: Nice.

CALIFORNIAN: How ‘bout you?

FLORIDIAN: Sunshine Skyway Bridge.

CALIFORNIAN: Hmm. Where’s that?

FLORIDIAN: Tampa-St. Pete. Actually, it’s from St. Petersburg over to Bradenton. On down the Gulf Coast. That way.

CALIFORNIAN: I see.

FLORIDIAN: Although I was coming the other way; I drove up from the south, so I came through Sarasota and Bradenton.

CALIFORNIAN: Uh-huh.

FLORIDIAN: Never got to St. Pete. But guess you can tell, huh?

CALIFORNIAN: Yeah.

FLORIDIAN: Nice view, though. I caught a little glimpse on the way down.

CALIFORNIAN: So what’d it cost?

FLORIDIAN: What did what cost?

CALIFORNIAN: The bridge toll. Golden Gate cost me five dollars. Last five dollars I ever spent.

FLORIDIAN: Five dollars? Geez. What a rip-off. The Sunshine Skyway is only a dollar.

CALIFORNIAN: A dollar? Damn. I wasted four dollars. Now I’m really depressed.

FLORIDIAN: Money troubles?

CALIFORNIAN: Money troubles. Women troubles. Just general life troubles. You name it, I got it. How about you?

FLORIDIAN: Pretty simple, really. Lost my shirt in the real estate market.

CALIFORNIAN: So how long did it take you?

FLORIDIAN: To do what? To decide to do it?

CALIFORNIAN: No, you know. (Makes a dropping motion.)

FLORIDIAN: Well, I didn’t really time it. But I’ve heard it takes about six seconds. It goes by pretty fast.

CALIFORNIAN: Four seconds off the Golden Gate.

FLORIDIAN: Four seconds, huh?

CALIFORNIAN: Four. One, two, three – (smacks his hands.)

FLORIDIAN: So you paid four dollars more to shave off two seconds.

CALIFORNIAN: Guess you could look at it that

way.

FLORIDIAN: Sorta like paying more to go through the express lane.

CALIFORNIAN: I suppose, if you want to look at it that way.

FLORIDAN: I think I got the better deal. Saved four dollars, but took about the same amount of time. What’s the difference between four seconds and six seconds? Not a lot. Not those seconds.

CALIFORNIAN: It’s like anything else; you pay for the brand name.

FLORIDIAN: How you mean?

CALIFORNIAN: The Golden Gate. Lot more prestige jumping off the Golden Gate than the Sunway Skyshine –

FLORIDIAN: Sunshine Skyway.

CALIFORNIAN: Whatever. See, nobody knows it.

FLORIDIAN: Second only to the Golden Gate in the number of jumpers each year. Somebody knows it.

CALIFORNIAN: Still, it’s not a brand name. Not like the Golden Gate, you know?

FLORIDIAN: Got the job done, though, didn’t it?

CALIFORNIAN: Guess so. I kinda like the prestige though. Sorta thing people will talk about. Bet at my high school reunion, that’s what they’ll be saying about me: "Yeah, you remember old Tom? Jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge."

"The Golden Gate Bridge?"

"The Golden Gate Bridge!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Wow, the Golden Gate Bridge."

So what are they gonna be saying about you at your high school reunion?

FLORIDIAN: Oh, I dunno. Hadn’t really thought about it.

CALIFORNIAN: What’s your name?

FLORIDIAN: John.

CALIFORNIAN: "Yeah, old John. Whatever happened to him?"

"Oh, you didn’t hear? He jumped off some bridge in Florida."

"Hmm. Too bad."

"Yeah, too bad."

See, it’s not the same. The Golden Gate, people will remember that. People will talk about that.

ANGEL: St. Peter will see you now.

(Califorian gets up.)

FLORIDIAN: Hmm. I wish I’d had four more dollars.

CALIFORNIAN: Well, too late now.

(Californian exits.)

------- THE END ------

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Three – two male, one female

Angel (F)

Californian (M)

Floridian (M)

Dwayne Yancey

1791 Mount Pleasant Church Road

Fincastle, VA 24090

Days: 540 981 3113

Nights: 540 473 3313

Website: www.storyfoundry.com, search under "playwrights"