ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL
By Dwayne Yancey
Copyright 2004; all rights reserved.
(The scene: A TV studio. Its July 1776. Two chairs are set up for an interview program. The host is greeting his guest, Thomas Jefferson, just before the show is about to air.)
HOST: Right this way, Mr. Jefferson. Well be doing the interview right here. I cant tell you again how much we appreciate you coming onto the show on such short notice. I know these are pretty busy days for you, what with your Declaration and all. You must have stayed up a lot of nights working on that, huh?
JEFFERSON (distracted, looking around the studio, waving at any women he sees): What? Nights? Oh yeah. Im busy a lot of nights.
(A make-up artist comes up to Jefferson with make-up to apply)
MAKE-UP ARTIST: Care for a touch, sir?
JEFFERSON: From you, darling? Anytime.
MAKE-UP ARTIST (ignoring the double entendre and applying the make-up): Just a little powder on your cheeks?
JEFFERSON: Oh, you mean these cheeks. You can powder anything you like.
(Make-up artist continues work, while host starts talking.)
HOST: All right, so, lets just run through a few things before we start.
MAKE-UP ARTIST: There, that should do it.
JEFFERSON (smiling): Thats what you think.
(Make-up artist exits; Jefferson eyes her departure.)
HOST: The cameras right over there.
JEFFERSON (still distracted): Uh-huh.
HOST: Ill do an intro, and then ask you for a few questions about this Declaration business, and that will be it. So, any questions?
JEFFERSON: Whos the chick over there?
HOST: What? The make-up woman?
JEFFERSON: No, the other one. Over there. In the corner.
HOST: Oh, you mean Sally?
JEFFERSON: A little brown sugar, eh? I like it.
HOST: Shes the grip.
JEFFERSON: Oh, Id like to get a grip.
HOST: Right, OK. So, weve got 30 seconds before we air. Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee? Tea, perhaps?
JEFFERSON: Uh, no thanks. No tea.
HOST: Thats right. Youre boycotting tea after that business up in Boston Harbor.
HOST: So is there anything I can get you? Ale? Wine? Water?
JEFFERSON: How about a little brown sugar?
HOST: What? Mr. Jefferson! Really! What a kidder! I had no idea you had such a wicked sense of humor. OK, 15 seconds to air.
JEFFERSON: No, Im serious. To hell with this Founding Father business. (To the unseen woman in the corner.) You need a sugar daddy, mama? You just come see me after the show.
HOST: Mr. Jefferson!
PRODUCER: Five seconds! Four! Three! Two, one!
HOST: Good evening and welcome to the Colonial Broadcasting System. Tonight, our guest is a young Virginia gentleman who has been in the news lately for writing the controversial document known as the Declaration of Independence none other than Thomas Jefferson. Mr. Jefferson, welcome to our show.
JEFFERSON (acting quite serious now): Thanks for having me.
HOST: So, lets cut right to the chase: What would you say is the key part of your Declaration? Can you pick out one key line?
JEFFERSON: Id say its the line "all men are created equal."
HOST: "All men are created equal." Fascinating. Lets explore this some more. Now just what do you mean by this phrase "all men are created equal"?
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performed by John Bryant