(In the darkness, a man enters, in trench coat and hat. He leans against a wall until the lights come up.)

MAN: It was a dark and stormy night, the kind of night that could drive a sane man mad, especially if he was trying to climb the corporate ladder and just happened to be having the boss over for dinner.

Me, my name’s Porter. I was alone in my office. Drinking again. What else? Scotch.

That’s when the dame came in. I’d never seen her before, but I could tell right away she was somebody important. Everybody just called her – Lady.

(Lady Macbeth enters.)

She looked like she’d just seen a ghost or something. She was rubbing her hands like she had some sort of skin disease and she was screaming bloody murder.

LADY MACBETH: Out, damned spot, out I say!

MAN: I could tell something was wrong, terribly wrong. I don’t have a dog named Spot. It’s named Lassie.

So I turned to her and I say, what’s the matter, lady, give it to me straight up, and she says:

LADY MACBETH: Who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him? . . . Here’s the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. O, O, O!

(Lady Macbeth exits.)

MAN: I knew then this was going to be a big case. A real witches’ brew of trouble. Scotland Yard couldn’t handle it. Too many higher-ups had blood on their hands. It was clearly an inside job. Everybody stabbing everybody else in the back. Not a pretty picture.

Plus, you had kids involved.

(Son enters, waving a sword.)

SON: I am the son of Banquo and I have come for revenge!

(He puts some leaves in his hair.)

And, look, camouflage!

MAN: Slightly bigger kids. With sharper swords.

(Son exits.)

But you get the idea. This dame was in it so much trouble now, she couldn’t get out of it. Just the thought of what she’d done was keeping her awake at night, eating her alive, driving her mad. She was already as nutty as a fruitcake, and now she was about to go off the deep end.

(Man approaches a girl in the audience, who’s doing her homework. He drops out of character, and assumes a fatherly tone.)

So, does that pretty much explain it for you?

DAUGHTER: Dad, I just wanted to know what this whole stupid Macbeth thing is about. You don’t have to get so dramatic about everything. Geez. The next time I want some help on my English lit homework, I’ll just look it up online or something.

(Lights out.)

---- THE END --------

Dwayne Yancey

1791 Mount Pleasant Church Road

Fincastle, VA 24090

Days: 540 473 3313

Nights: 540 981 3113