Mrs Stoneman: Billy, can I talk to you a second?

Billy: Sure. Why?

Mrs Stoneman: Well, you’ve been doing a great job in the second grade so far, and I’m really happy with your progress. As your teacher however, I guess it’s my duty to inform you that we are having problems with some of your actions.

Billy: My actions? Like what?

Mrs. Stoneman: Well, we’d really appreciate it if you would... stop killing orphaned children. We’ve had some complaints.

Billy: My bad. Hey, wait! My parents do it all the time! They tell me to do it!

Mrs. Stoneman: Here at Fluffy Bunny Elementary School, it’s our policy not to place blame on parents. In fact, here is a list of stuff we CAN blame things on: TV, comic books, Marilyn Manson, that purple teletubby, Bill Clinton, other religions besides Christianity...

Billy: OK, OK, I got the idea. I’ll stop.

Mrs. Stoneman: Well Billy, I’m afraid it’s not that simple. It’s also my sad duty to tell you that your parents are going to have an abortion.

Billy: An abortion??? My mom’s pregnant?

Mrs. Stoneman: No, but she was about 8 years and 9 months ago!

Billy: Wait, wait. You’re going to abort me??? I’m 8 years old!!!

Mrs. Stoneman: Yeah, I know. It’s crazy, but with today’s new abortion laws late term abortions are legal up until age 10.

Billy: That’s crazy!!! You’re going to kill me now?

Mrs. Stoneman: Yup. I’d just like to thank a compromise between an ultra conservative Congress and a liberal Supreme Court.

Billy: This isn’t fair!!!!!

Mrs. Stoneman: It all depends on your political views, Billy. It all depends on your political views. Now, don’t worry, this won’t hurt a bit.

"It All Depends On Your Political Views" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

"It All Depends On Your Political Views" debuted January 19, 2001, performed by Jesse Wozniak & Howard Zimmerle.

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