copyright © 2005 Jesse Wozniak

Adventures of White Power Steve, the hate-filled white seperatist who couldn’t get anything right

(as scene comes up, WP Steve and others are sitting in a classroom. Teacher is standing in front of blackboard writing down formulas)

Teacher: And who can tell us the second law of thermodynamics? (all raise their hands expectantly like they know the answer) Let’s see...ah, White Power Steve. Tell us all the second law of thermodynamics.

WP Steve: The second law of thermodynamics states that the entropy of a perfect crystal of an element at the absolute zero of temperature is zero.

Teacher: Wrong again, Steve. That’s the third law of dynamics! Can anyone tell us the SECOND law?

Ricky: It’s very simple. The second law holds that energy spontaneously tends to flow only from being concentrated in one place to becoming diffused or dispersed. (looks over at WP Steve and sticks his toungue out at him)

Teacher: Very good Ricky. You know, White Power Steve, you could learn alot from Ricky’s example. (bell rings students begni to file out, snickering and pointing at WP Steve) Well, there’s the bell. Remember everyone, pages 35 and 36, all problems up through 35a are due tommorow. And pay close attention to the readings, especially you White Power Steve.

WP Steve: (to Johnny) Geez, I can’t ever seem to get anything right.

Johnny: Aw shucks, it’s ok White Power Steve, nobody’s as smart as Ricky.

WP Seve: I know that. It’s just that everyone makes fun of me just because I’m not very smart. And because I’m a hate-filled white seperatist.

Johnny: Aww, you just give it some time champ! They’ll come along to your winning personality sooner or later--hate-filled white sepratist or not!

WP Steve: You’re right! Now come on over to my house. My mom’s making Stove Top tonight!

Johnny: My mom’s making Stove Top, too!

WP Steve: Awesome! Let’s go!

(lights out as table is set up and Mom sits at table. Lights up. WP Steve and Johnny enter)

Mom: Well, hello there Johnathon! I didn’t know you were coming over for dinner?

Johnny: Yeah, I hope it’s ok. My mom’s not nearly as good a cook as you are.

Mom: Oh, that must be because she’s dating that darky!

(Johnny looks emberrassed, as does WP Steve)

WP Steve: Mom!

Mom: What honey?

WP Steve: Johnny believes intolerance and equality.

Mom: (now quite emberrassed) Well, I’m sorry Johnny. I didn’t know you were like that.

Johnny: It’s ok, Misses K.

WP Steve: See mom, this is why all the kids at school don’t like me!

Mom: Why is that, Steven?

WP Steve: All the kids make fun of me because our family is all hate-filled white supremacists.

Johnny: It’s true, Misses K. They always call him "White Power Steve, the kid who’s too ignorant to see that race is a meaningless social concept."

Mom: Oh, Steven, I’m so sorry. (rushes over to hug WP Steve) I know it’s tough to be different. The kids all used to make fun of me, too.

WP Steve: (sniffiling, as if he’s been crying) Really ma?

Mom: Oh sure. They used to all point at me and say "If you hate the enlightenednorthern east coast so much, why don’t you move to the South?"

WP Steve: No!

Mom: It’s true. I used to run home crying everyday from school.

WP Steve: Gosh ma, how’d you deal with it?

Mom: Well, Steven, you just have to realize that people fear what they don’t understand. Just because we’re different doesn’t mean we’re worse people. You just go on being the best hate-filled white seperatist you can be, and someday everyone will appreciate you for the wonderful person you are.

Johnny: Gosh, White Power Steve, you have the greatest family in the whole wide world.

WP Steve: Ain’t that the truth!

Announcer: (from offstage) That does it for this week’s episode of "The Adventures of White Power Steve, the hate-filled white seperatist who couldn’t get anything right". Join us next week for a very special episode as White Power Steve learns the meaning of loss, when one of the vicious gaurd dogs surrounding his family’s remote mountain bunker is accidentally shot by an FBI sniper. Thank you.


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