Variations on Marx' 13th Thesis on Fuerbach (at first happy, but with increasing anger) P1: The problem with Jesus is that he lacks paunch. Tony Danza, now there's a savior you can worship with pride! P2: The problem with the United States Constitution is the bill of rights. Specifically, the 10th Amendment. P3: You know what sucks about post modernist theory from a philosophical standpoint? The obvious fucking contradictions and tautologies. P4: You know what the problem is with boys? They're icky. P1: Who's the boss? I'll tell you who the fucking boss is! P3: First of all, the term modern by definition means what is currently happening. How can we be post what is currently happening? P2: People, if the continental congress proved nothing else, it proved that a federalist form of government is seriously flawed at best! P4: All they want to do is play in the mud! P1:...italian stallion? Rocky couldn't hold a candle to Tony! He's such a badass that he's been on so many t.v. shows... P2:...if the remaining laws are left to the discretion of the states, it creates a federal jurisprudence by which... P4: ...this other day Tommy Jenkins found a frog and he actually touched it. I told Mrs. Crandall on him and she... P3: ...and if you continue on that line of logic, what is the next major shift in human thought to be termed? post-post-post... P2: ...states can chose to follow or not follow federal mandates. The result can be both chilling and absurd. Take for example... P1: And he's named Tony on every fucking one of them! That's how amazing he is. They don't even fuck with his name... P4:..all the way to the principal's office! He totally deserved it, because he's just a big fat... P3:...you wanna claim there can be no truth? Well, let me tell you buddy, that's claiming there's a truth, asshole... P1:...and speaking of italians, what about Joe Piscapo? (counting on his fingers) Saturday night live... P4:...I'm know I'm not supposed to say that about people, but it's totally true. You just ask Missy, and she'll tell you... P2: ...the efficiency of block grants? Don't make me laugh... P3:...if that's the case, why are you still alive? A meaningless existence is a pointless existence! why don't you take your post-modern bullshit and... P1:...(still counting on fingers) Wise Guys, even a Weird Al video... P4:...Barbie is soooooo much better! I mean, who wants to play with stupid army men? I think they shouldn't be allowed... P2:...Dead monkeys could have figured this would be abused by ailing legislators lacking the funds their constituents demand they spend... P1:...Could be the next governor of New Jersey... P3:...even nihilism is an ethos in and of itself, if you truly analyze it. Post-modernism is simply a mockery posing as an intellectual discipline that's... P2:...Won't solve all problems, but of course centrality has its benefits... P4:...pink dresses are too cool! How could you say something that dumb-head?... P1:...I could name a 1,000 more examples of italians alone who could do a better job... P3:...has empirical proof. I mean, you can plot the course of human discovery on a positive scale! just looks at it.... P2: ...Take the civil-rights movement for example, only a strong federal system allowed adequate change... P1:...Saving humanity? Sure it's impressive, but where's the style?... P4:...and I got up to nine-sies, but mom made me come in for dinner... P3:...It's the basis of our entire constitution. What, are you going to fucking throw that out to, you fucking idiot? (calms down, takes a breath) Look, all I'm really saying is... P1: At least a rhinestone pair of pants for crying out loud! P2: I suppose a lose confederation would work, if we had the capability to make decentralized decisions! P3: It simply can't be accepted on it's premises until there is at least some form of empirical evidence available. P4: Boys drool, Girls rule! FIN.THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Jesse Wozniak, Luke Pingel, Tim Pieper, ?