Variations on Marx' 13th Thesis on Fuerbach
(at first happy, but with increasing anger)

P1: The problem with Jesus is that he lacks paunch. Tony Danza, now there's
a savior you can worship with pride!

P2: The problem with the United States Constitution is the bill of rights.
Specifically, the 10th Amendment.

P3: You know what sucks about post modernist theory from a philosophical
standpoint? The obvious fucking contradictions and tautologies.

P4: You know what the problem is with boys? They're icky.

P1: Who's the boss? I'll tell you who the fucking boss is!

P3: First of all, the term modern by definition means what is currently
happening. How can we be post what is currently happening?

P2: People, if the continental congress proved nothing else, it proved that
a federalist form of government is seriously flawed at best!

P4: All they want to do is play in the mud!

P1:...italian stallion? Rocky couldn't hold a candle to Tony! He's such a
badass that he's been on so many t.v. shows...

P2:...if the remaining laws are left to the discretion of the states, it
creates a federal jurisprudence by which...

P4: ...this other day Tommy Jenkins found a frog and he actually touched
it.
I told Mrs. Crandall on him and she...

P3: ...and if you continue on that line of logic, what is the next major
shift in human thought to be termed? post-post-post...

P2: ...states can chose to follow or not follow federal mandates. The
result
can be both chilling and absurd. Take for example...

P1: And he's named Tony on every fucking one of them! That's how amazing he
is. They don't even fuck with his name...

P4:..all the way to the principal's office! He totally deserved it, because
he's just a big fat...

P3:...you wanna claim there can be no truth? Well, let me tell you buddy,
that's claiming there's a truth, asshole...

P1:...and speaking of italians, what about Joe Piscapo? (counting on his
fingers) Saturday night live...

P4:...I'm know I'm not supposed to say that about people, but it's totally
true. You just ask Missy, and she'll tell you...

P2: ...the efficiency of block grants? Don't make me laugh...

P3:...if that's the case, why are you still alive? A meaningless existence
is a pointless existence! why don't you take your post-modern bullshit
and...

P1:...(still counting on fingers) Wise Guys, even a Weird Al video...

P4:...Barbie is soooooo much better! I mean, who wants to play with stupid
army men? I think they shouldn't be allowed...

P2:...Dead monkeys could have figured this would be abused by ailing
legislators lacking the funds their constituents demand they spend...

P1:...Could be the next governor of New Jersey...

P3:...even nihilism is an ethos in and of itself, if you truly analyze it.
Post-modernism is simply a mockery posing as an intellectual discipline
that's...

P2:...Won't solve all problems, but of course centrality has its benefits...

P4:...pink dresses are too cool! How could you say something that
dumb-head?...

P1:...I could name a 1,000 more examples of italians alone who could do a
better job...

P3:...has empirical proof. I mean, you can plot the course of human
discovery on a positive scale! just looks at it....

P2: ...Take the civil-rights movement for example, only a strong federal
system allowed adequate change...

P1:...Saving humanity? Sure it's impressive, but where's the style?...

P4:...and I got up to nine-sies, but mom made me come in for dinner...

P3:...It's the basis of our entire constitution. What, are you going to
fucking throw that out to, you fucking idiot? (calms down, takes a breath)
Look, all I'm really saying is...

P1: At least a rhinestone pair of pants for crying out loud!

P2:  I suppose a lose confederation would work, if we had the capability to
make decentralized decisions!

P3: It simply can't be accepted on it's premises until there is at least
some form of empirical evidence available.

P4: Boys drool, Girls rule!

FIN.

• September 10, 2004 - No Shame Cedar Falls
  

  Performed by Jesse Wozniak, Luke Pingel, Tim Pieper, ?

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