God, Im so Fucking Cool
Youre a fucking nerd.
Too fucking cool for all of you.
I write plays that you cant understand.
Because Im too fucking cool to make comprehensible art.
Take that people with better things to do than think about postmodernism all day!
Look at my hair.
I do not comb it in any way.
See how uncombed it is?
Take that corporate America!
You cant sell me conformity!
I wear suit jackets with T-shirts.
I do not own a suit.
I have no vest.
No dress pants.
I wear jeans with my suit coat.
Does that not blow your mind, squares?
Look at how fucking cool I am.
You are not supposed to wear a t-shirt with a suit jacket.
That goes against all social rules!
Take that clothing etiquette!
Look at my shirt.
It says ames volleyball.
I did not go to ames high school.
I did not play volley ball.
I was not number 9.
How crazy is this shirt?
I am not a woman.
I am cool.
Does not my gender bending clothing and ideology frighten you?
Take that buttoned down suburbia!
Your world of prozac and soccer games must be trembling in its foundations!
God, I am so fucking cool!
I do not go to church.
Church is for pussies.
Church is for people who believe in things.
I dont believe in things.
Because Im too fucking cool to believe in things!
Beliefs are for nerds.
Take that people who care about things!
People who care about things are useless.
Like that Mexican kid on Captain Planet.
Hes not cool.
Heart? What kind of fucking power is heart?
It is useless.
Like people who care about things.
They take our jobs.
But just the shitty ones.
Like cleaning toilets.
Or fixing peoples roofs.
Or the power of heart.
Im too fucking cool for heart.
Or for Mexicans.
I say racist things, but its ok.
Because I say them sarcastically.
I have ethnic friends.
My racially insensitive comments make you uncomfortable.
Because you are not cool enough to understand them.
Take that knee-jerk liberal white people!
Fuck white people.
I am too fucking cool for white people.
I am too cool for all of you.
Except that kid (pointing at non-white person).
I dont write endings for my plays.
Endings are for Jews.
That was sarcastic.
I am not an anti-Semite.
I am kike.
Which makes me an official kike in kike belief.
I can make fun of kikes because I am a kike.
That is the way insulting words work.
Only the people who are supposed to be insulted by them can use them.
Take that gentiles!
Wheres your messiah now?
I am too fucking cool for you.
FIN.THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Jesse Wozniak.