Me: Because I’m filling in for Luke tonight, I felt as if I should write a long-winded soliloquy. However I couldn’t go it alone, so here assisting me is my good friend Howard. Say hello Howard.

Howard: (silent, as he is just a photocopy taped to a stick)

Me: That’s nice. As you may now, during the last No Shame Theatre, Howard premiered a play that got tepid applause, at best.

Howard: (silent, as he is just a photocopy taped to a stick)

Me: No, those were your exact words “tepid applause”

Howard: (silent, as he is just a photocopy taped to a stick)

Me: Well, I told you it wasn’t good. I would like everyone in the audience to know that I had no part in writing that play. I told him it was stupid and no one would find it funny, but he didn’t listen.

Howard: (silent, as he is just a photocopy taped to a stick)

Me: Well, I suppose the concept of a serious play with one of the characters merely a face taped to a stick is kind of funny, but I don’t think it warrants five minutes of time.

Howard: (silent, as he is just a photocopy taped to a stick)

Me: Well of course I know they’re idiots. That’s why I use low brow humor and swearing. That makes the stupid fucks happy, if you know what I mean.

Howard: (silent, as he is just a photocopy taped to a stick)

Me: No, I don’t think David O’Lean will go out with you.

Howard: (silent, as he is just a photocopy taped to a stick)

Me: No, you’re right. I have no fuckin’ clue who he is. But they sure seem to like him out there. Look, all I know is that my play’s better than yours.

Howard: (silent, as he is just a photocopy taped to a stick)

Me: Is too...............that’s it...huh?

Howard: (silent, as he is just a photocopy taped to a stick)

Me: No Neil didn’t write this ending!!

"Howard Zimmerle Sucks" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

"Howard Zimmerle Sucks" debuted December 1, 2000, performed by Jesse Wozniak.

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