- March 21, 2003 - No Shame Los Angeles
Cast: Robert Van Scoyk, Jeff Hirbour, Tory Seiter, Kenric Taylor, Dave Berman
Robert Van Scoyk
RobertV552@Hotmail.com
Beer
© 2003 by Robert Van Scoyk
There are 4 actors.
Furniture: One table and one chair
(Running time: Approx 1.5 minutes)
Lighting note: when actor is sitting by himself at a table with a beer — All lights up.
(Customer is sitting at a table with a glass of beer. He takes a sip out of his beer in glass. He pauses, flicks his tongue around like he’s suspicious of what he is tasting. He sniffs. He sniffs again. A waiter passes by.)
CUSTOMER
Uh, excuse me?
WAITER
Yes?
CUSTOMER
There’s something wrong with my beer. It tastes like somebody pissed in it.
WAITER
That’s preposterous. I run a healthy establishment.
(The waiter dips his fingertip into the beer, tastes it, then sniffs the glass.)
WAITER
That’s piss!
(The waiter stage-spits, then he angrily reaches backstage and pulls out a chef by the arm.)
WAITER
Did you piss in this man’s beer?!
CHEF
No! That is disgusting! I would never do such a dreadful thing!
(The waiter lets go of the chef’s arm, then reaches backstage again and pulls out a dishwasher by his ear.)
WAITER
Did you piss in this beer?!
DISHWASHER
No, no! I stay in back. I wash dishes.
(The waiter twists the dishwasher’s ear cruelly. The dishwasher cries out in pain.)
DISHWASHER
No, no! I wash dishes! I wash dishes!
(A pretty young woman enters the stage.)
YOUNG WOMAN
No! Papa! Stop! (tearfully) It was I who pissed in the beer.
(The waiter lets go of the dishwasher’s ear and everybody pauses for a moment to register shock.)
CUSTOMER
Well, in that case, I’ll drink it anyway!
(He is draining his glass of beer when the lights go down.)
Lighting note: when the man sitting down starts drinking his glass of beer. Wait 3 seconds, and then — Blackout.
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Cast: Robert Van Scoyk, Jeff Hirbour, Tory Seiter, Kenric Taylor, Dave Berman
Library]
