Reina Dramática
By Robert Van Scoyk, with Spanish translation by Robert Van Scoyk and Hugo Campos
(Running time: Approx 1.5 minutes)
Staging note: One person on stage, another joins her later.
(There is a table with a telephone on it.)
LIGHTS UP
(Isabel is on the telephone. As soon as the scene opens, she slams the receiver down.)
ISABEL
Bastardo!
Antoñio se volara hasta La Capital sin mi!
“Reunión Secreta” el me dijo!
“Reunión Secreta” mis nalgas!
Podria ser una sola cosa:
Antoñio se tiene una otra concubina!
Oh, Antoñio, mi querido generalito,
Juro por Dios que pagaras por esto!
(She seethes for a moment. A man enters from rear stage left. He walks along rear of stage and stops slightly left of center. He is Larry, first-time American tourist and classic innocent abroad.)
LARRY
Hola! Is anybody there?
ISABEL
(to no one in particular) Quien es el gringo a mi entrada?
LARRY
Hello. Do you speak English?
ISABEL
(Her voice dripping with venom) Yes. Come in; the gate is unlocked.
(Larry opens invisible gate and joins Isabel at center stage)
LARRY
There is like, a big celebration in town…
ISABEL
…Yes. La Semana de los Mártires…
LARRY
…And all the hotels are full. The guidebook said that some of these old haciendas might have extra rooms for rent…
(Isabel looks Larry over from head to toe. Pause. Then she turns towards the audience and flashes them her best malevolent femme-fatale smile.)
LIGHTS DOWN
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bastardo bahs-TARD-oh
concubina con-cue-BEEN-ah
cosa COH-sa
Dios DEE-ohs
dramática dra-MAT-ee-cah
generalito hen-er-al-EE-toh
hacienda ah-say-EN-dah
hola OH-lah
juro HOOR-oh
mártires MAR-tee-res
mi mee
otra OH-tra
pagaras pa-GAR-ahs
podria PODE-ree-ah
querido kare-EE-doh
quien KEE-en
Reina ree-AYNE-ah
reunión ree-yoon-YOHN
secreta seh-KREET-a
semana say-MAHN-ah
ser sair
volara voh-LAR-ah
Cast: Mike Rothschild [Isabel] and Dave Berman [Larry]