The Tom Selleck Worship Club

by Neil Van Gorder

 

Greg: Now Fight Club for example. What were they thinking?

 

Jeremy: Coffee anyone?

 

Sam: Exactly. Tom Selleck could have easily played both Edward Norton's part and Brad Pitt's at the same time and carried the movie much effortlessly.

Frank: Ok, everybody it's time to start the meeting. We have a lot to talk about tonight. Tom Selleck's got a new TV show starting this fall. So Magnum P.I. and Three Men and a Baby won't be the only things he's ever starred in. This is a great upheaval in the very fabric of reality and if I don't get this straightened out in my head tonight then everybody look out cause me ,Frank K. Stella, president of the Tom Selleck Worship Club of Lancaster, Ohio will have like insomnia for a week.

Well, Wyatt your doing notes tonight so let's review what happened last week.

 

Wyatt: July 24th...Greg displayed an official and authenticated pair of Tom Selleck's sunglasses that he wore on the set and occasionally in the filming of Magnum P.I. that he bought off eBay. There was a theoretical discussion initiated by you Frank, that if God is dead according to Nietzche than how can Tom Selleck be alive. And Jeremy brought up the point since the sun that is at the center of our solar system only has the name "The Sun" we should petition to change the name to Tom Selleck.

 

Frank: So that was last week...did you get those petitions made Jeremy?

 

Jeremy: I had typed it up on the computer and was about to print it out when I decided that we don't know who to send the petitions to once we have collected the tens of thousands of signatures that we were sure to get.

 

Sam: You send them to NASA.

 

Jeremy: I don't think that would work. I think we should institute more of a grass roots approach. For instance what I'm suggesting is that like when someone refers to the sun and says "Whoa, that sun sure is bright today." We correct them by saying "No, Tom Selleck sure is bright today."

 

Greg: I'm looking forward to saying "That Tom Selleck's so hot he's makin' me sweat."

 

Frank: Shut up, Greg. This is serious business...