"Wandering Off" 
            By, Dave Ulrich

                                        LIGHTS UP.

                                        SANDRA is sitting in a chair. A fly has appeared
                                        near her. As she attempts to wave it off NATHAN
                                        begins walking up. Hesitates, looks around, grabs a
                                        chair and pulls it over, and says:

                                   NATHAN
            Do you mind, if I...

                                        SANDRA shrugs.

                                        NATHAN positions the chair near her and sits as
                                        well.

                                        He sits and extends his hand.

                                   NATHAN
            Hello.

                                        SANDRA shakes back with slight hesitation.

                                   SANDRA
            ... Sandra. But please...

                                   NATHAN
            It's nice to meet you, Sandra.

                                        SANDRA gives an indecipherable nod.

                                   NATHAN
            I'm sorry to just appear out of nowhere, but I found myself
            completely unable to resist. You are striking. Truly. My
            entire life I have wondered if physical beauty such as yours
            could be matched inside. That's why I cannot help but at
            least introduce myself to a lady that strikes me so...

                                        SANDRA looks awkward as he searches for a word.

                                   NATHAN (CONT'D)
            ... grabs me so...

                                        SANDRA looks almost frightened.

                                   NATHAN (CONT'D)
            No... intrigues me, so... much. Do you live around here? You
            don't have to answer that question. It's a bit stalker-esque.
            Of course, it's probably not a good idea to use the word
            "stalker" in the first minute of conversation. Don't worry,
            no restraining orders here. That probably wasn't a good idea
            either... dear lord, stop me before I talk about kiddie porn!

                                        NATHAN laughs. SANDRA doesn't.

                                   NATHAN
            I'm sorry. This is a very difficult thing to do, and I'm
            making a mess of it.

                                   SANDRA
            Please, I don't think...

                                   NATHAN
            I just want to tell you that I find you terribly beautiful;
            fantastically beautiful -- and I want to know what you have
            inside. Emotionally, not like I'd want to open you up for a
            physical look on the inside.

                                        NATHAN starts to laugh, stops himself.

                                   NATHAN
            I'm sorry. I don't know why I keep making these jokes. Let me
            just quit while I'm... before I'm too far behind.

                                   SANDRA
            Yes. It's probably...

                                   NATHAN
            I would love to take you out on a date. Would you mind...
            giving me your number?

                                   SANDRA
            Yes. Yes, I would. This is a fucking hospital emergency room.
            My mother was just shovelled off of the highway, my father
            died on the way here and I've miscarried my baby even though
            I escaped scratch-free -- which I suppose God did just so
            that I can live mentally scarred for the rest of my life
            while looking like I've got myself together. But I don't give
            my number out under such circumstances, and I don't give it
            out to people who would dare ask someone in a fucking
            hospital emergency room!

                                        A pause.

                                   NATHAN
            I'm so sorry.
                          (a beat)
            I didn't realize this was an emergency room.
                          (a beat)
            Oh my god. I'm so sorry.

                                        NATHAN gets up and wanders out through the
                                        house.

                                        After a beat a voice offstage shouts out.

                                   NURSE (O.S.)
            Frederick! The amnesiac's wandered off again.

                                        FREDERICK rushes in from backstage and through
                                        the house. He brings NATHAN back and sits him
                                        back in the seat next to SANDRA and returns
                                        backstage.

                                        A long pause.

                                   NATHAN
                          (gently)
            You know, I really am sorry. I've lost my bearings. But I
            certainly haven't lost my mind. You really are gorgeous even
            if I shouldn't say it... And I'm bothered by your situation
            and the pain you must feel. I feel a great pain, too. But I'm
            not sure why. I just know with all of my heart that it is
            there in me. I don't know much of what I've done, but I
            strongly believe that what I'm designed to do is love. Those
            I care for and all of the world. So forgive me. And forget my
            foolishness. The date. It was... unfortunate. Instead, if you
            wish, you may grant me the chance to be your angel of mercy.
            Let me offer you my friendship and help in any possible way.
            You just let me know. Truly. I want to be there for you
            however I can. As a friend and as shelter for the storms you
            will soon weather. I'll leave you alone now, but please, call
            me for anything. Anything at all. I promise to help.

                                        NATHAN stands and prepares to go.

                                        SANDRA stops him.

                                   SANDRA
            Thank you...

                                        SANDRA extends her hand. They shake again.

                                   NATHAN
            You're absolutely welcome.

                                   SANDRA
            Thank you...?

                                   NATHAN
            You're welcome. Seriously, anything you need.

                                   SANDRA
            I just might. You are... that was quite kind.

                                   NATHAN
            You are quite a treasure, I hope you don't get lost. I'm
            going to go now, dearest Sandra.

                                   SANDRA
            Let's just say I do wish to reach you -- I don't have your
            number. I don't even know your name.

                                   NATHAN
            Oh, it's... I'm not... sure.... what it is. Well, I'll be
            around my beautiful, wounded Sandra. You'll find me.

                                        NATHAN goes out through the house.

                                        SANDRA watches him.

                                   NURSE (O.S.)
            Frederick! The amnesiac.

                                        FREDERICK rushes across the stage into the house.

                                        He brings NATHAN back and sits him next to
                                        SANDRA.

                                        He hesitates.

                                   FREDERICK
            Are you okay with... is he all right?

                                        SANDRA nods.

                                        FREDERICK goes.

                                        FADE TO BLACK as SANDRA moves her chair
                                        closer to NATHAN and they share a moment.
            THE END

"Wandering Off" debuted at No Shame Theater (Los Angeles) May 9, 2003, directed by J.J. Hickey, with the following cast:

NATHAN - Christopher Clarke
SANDRA - Kati
NURSE - Jenn Cousin
FREDERICK - Dave Berman

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