"The Lesson" By, Dave Ulrich LIGHTS up on a PERSON standing center. PERSON So, there was this... A camera flash goes off immediately from the front of the house, preferably the aisle and preferably a cheap disposable camera. Like a ferocious animal the PERSON grabs the AUDIENCE MEMBER and slings them on stage, leaps on them, and straddles them as their camera goes flying across the stage. The PERSON grabs the AUDIENCE MEMBER by the shirt and raises them from the floor while yelling: PERSON What the hell are you doing? Huh? AUDIENCE MEMBER I didn't mean to... PERSON This is a theatrical event! You know what you do when you do when you shoot a photo with a flash in the theatre? Do you? You do three things. Three bad things. ONE! You ruin the moment for the people around you. TWO! You mess with the person on stage! And THREE! You fuck up your own shot. Look. Look at what happens... The PERSON gets off of the AUDIENCE MEMBER, and storms out to the house. Motioning the things he speaks about. PERSON You just lit up the wall around the stage. You lit up this column. [STAGE NOTE: if there is one] You lit up the back of this person's head, this person's head, this person's head... and you flattened out any artistry in the lighting for the stage picture. Do you understand? Not only is it thoughtless and rude... (returning to the stage like a circling tiger) ...it is STUPID! Idiotic! Just plain -- In the house, someone's cell phone starts ringing. The PERSON whips around toward the sound with eyes of fire. BLACKOUT. THE END"The Lesson" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"The Lesson" debuted March 14, 2003 with the following cast:
Chris Clarke, Ken Rothwell