"The Lesson"
            By, Dave Ulrich

                                        LIGHTS up on a PERSON standing center.

                                   PERSON
            So, there was this...

                                        A camera flash goes off immediately from the front
                                        of the house, preferably the aisle and preferably a
                                        cheap disposable camera.

                                        Like a ferocious animal the PERSON grabs the
                                        AUDIENCE MEMBER and slings them on stage,
                                        leaps on them, and straddles them as their camera
                                        goes flying across the stage. The PERSON grabs the
                                        AUDIENCE MEMBER by the shirt and raises them
                                        from the floor while yelling:

                                   PERSON
            What the hell are you doing? Huh?

                                   AUDIENCE MEMBER
            I didn't mean to...

                                   PERSON
            This is a theatrical event! You know what you do when you do
            when you shoot a photo with a flash in the theatre? Do you?
            You do three things. Three bad things. ONE! You ruin the
            moment for the people around you. TWO! You mess with the
            person on stage! And THREE! You fuck up your own shot. Look.
            Look at what happens...

                                        The PERSON gets off of the AUDIENCE MEMBER,
                                        and storms out to the house. Motioning the things
                                        he speaks about.

                                   PERSON
            You just lit up the wall around the stage. You lit up this
            column. [STAGE NOTE: if there is one] You lit up the back of
            this person's head, this person's head, this person's head...
            and you flattened out any artistry in the lighting for the
            stage picture. Do you understand? Not only is it thoughtless
            and rude...
                          (returning to the stage like a
                           circling tiger)
            ...it is STUPID! Idiotic! Just plain --

                                        In the house, someone's cell phone starts ringing.

                                        The PERSON whips around toward the sound with
                                        eyes of fire.

                                        BLACKOUT.
            THE END

"The Lesson" debuted March 14, 2003 with the following cast:

Chris Clarke, Ken Rothwell

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