"Peter"
By, Dave Ulrich
LIGHTS up on an older couple, the PREESYs. They
are playing Gin Rummy at a table.
PETE PREESY walks in and joins them.
MRS. PREESY
Hello, Peter.
PETE
Ma.
MR. PREESY
Big surprise! Your son showed up, Mae.
(to Pete)
Didn't ya Bo?
PETE
Well, um, yeah, Bo.
The LIGHTS go out.
MRS. PREESY
What did the doctor say about this Peter?
PETE
I don't need a doctor, Ma. All I need's a twenty.
MRS. PREESY
Peter, our lights only go out when you come over.
MR. PREESY
Yeah, and we really appreciate it.
PETE
Seriously. Can I have a twenty?
MR. PREESY
Jesus F. Christ.
MRS. PREESY pulls $20 from her pants pocket and
hands it to PETE.
PETE
Thanks a lot, Ma...
A beat as PETE is about to say something else, but
looks at his father then just sprints through the
house and gives $20 to the LIGHT BOARD OP.
The LIGHTS come back up as PETE rushes back in.
PETE
(he claps his hands together)
So, um... I was wondering, 'cuz, y'know it's, um... the 28th.
MRS. PREESY
Yes, it is dear.
PETE
Yeah, and so, but I didn't get the check. I mean, I know it's
prolly just lost in the mail. But I thought I'd...
MR. PREESY
Yeah it's in the mail, paying off your college. Who the hell
goes to undergraduate school for nine years? Tell me that,
Bo! Can you? Can tell me that? Huh?
MRS. PREESY
Don't forget about your blood pressure, Father.
MR. PREESY
Thanks Mae, you're right. 'Preciate it.
MRS. PREESY
Peter, Father's decided, I mean, we've both decided that you
need to try doing things on your own.
MR. PREESY
Stop being a pussy and make yourself useful!
MRS. PREESY
It's just that your acting -- thing -- was really neat. We
enjoyed both of those plays you did in your twenties. But
this writing -- thing...
MR. PREESY
It's a bunch of crap that doesn't makes any sense!
PETE
Ma, it makes sense.
MRS. PREESY
Not all of it, Peter. We're just trying so hard, son.
MR. PREESY
Are you gay?
PETE
I don't need you trying things, all I need is the checks.
MR. PREESY
Get a job, Bo!
PETE
A job? Ma, I'm no...
MRS. PREESY
... I know you're no plebeian...
PETE
(What's a plebeian again?)
MRS. PREESY
That's why we knew you'd grow out of this acting thing -- but
now this writing... We gave you that farm, and that corporate
vice presidency...
MR. PREESY
We sent you to space, goddammit!
MRS. PREESY
We thought it would give you some perspective.
MR. PREESY
How you gonna pay me back for that, Bo? Free theatre? Huh? Is
that it? Huh? Tell me that!
PETE
Why do you guys have to act like this in front of my
girlfriend? It's embarrassing.
PETE scans the audience for a potential girlfriend.
PETE
(spotting one)
Quick, I need a volunteer to... How about you, could you
please...?
He motions for a WOMAN to come on stage.
MR. PREESY
No, no, no. We're not falling for that again!
MRS. PREESY
Please, Peter, leave that poor girl alone.
PETE waves off the audience member.
PETE
Fine. Fuck it.
Emotional MUSIC plays through the following
monologue:
PETE
I don't need a stupid girlfriend, lights, or your dumb
checks. I'll do it on my own. I'll struggle. The life
experience will just lead to me the best goddamn 3 minute
play the world has ever seen... and then you'll see. So I go
- without your stupid money to pay the Lightboard Operator.
MUSIC fades out.
MR. PREESY
Thanks for giving birth to that, Mae. I really appreciate it!
BLACKOUT.
THE END
"Peter"
IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE
DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED
WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Peter" debuted February 28, 2003 with the following cast:
Eric Johnson, Tory Seiter, Chris Clarke
Library]
