"Sponsorship"
            By, Dave Ulrich

                                        LIGHTS UP.

                                        Two upper-middle-class pregnant women, DELIA
                                        and ELYSE are chatting merrily on a park bench.

                                   DELIA
            Do you know the gender?

                                   ELYSE
            It's a boy. Poor thing is going to be a Huffstutter for life.
            Can't marry out of that. Still amazed that I married into it.

                                   DELIA
            Well, you don't pick the one you love, you just find 'em.

                                   ELYSE
            I suppose.

                                        A beat as they ponder that.

                                   DELIA
            Have you picked your sponsor yet?

                                   ELYSE
            Oh no. I don't think I'm going to do that.

                                   DELIA
            Elyse! You can't wait too long. There's waiting lists
            already. And with our economy, they can't just take every
            unborn child that comes along.

                                   ELYSE
            Don't you find it just a little creepy?

                                   DELIA
            There's no time to stop and think about that, all the spots
            in the waiting list are getting filled up.

                                   ELYSE
            But shouldn't it be the child's choice?

                                   DELIA
            By the time they can choose, they won't know how. When we
            first hit the age of reason, it's the most fickle time in
            life anyway. So, if wearing a Nike tattoo is gonna put Darryl
            through college one day, then Samuel here --
                          (rubbing her belly)
            -- is gonna have himself a Coca-Cola... and like it.

                                   ELYSE
            But what if Samuel likes Pepsi, Delia?

                                   DELIA
            It's not like there's no options. For one thing, we can
            always switch to the Cleerchannel package later --
                          (explanatory)
            that's the one with Pepsi -- if we wanted to, that is. But I
            picked the Enfinity package with the Coke because Darryl's
            got that one already and it's great. And when you add
            children to the package, the deal gets better. Besides, there
            could be a lot of complications for me at the grocery store
            shopping for two different packages!

                                        She chuckles.

                                   ELYSE
            It still just seem weird and creepy to me.

                                   DELIA
            Look honey, he's going to like college a lot more than having
            a choice. He can drink Pepsi after graduation.

                                        A MAN has walked up.

                                   SPONSOR
            Delia Linell? Elyse Huffstutter?

                                   DARLA
            Yes?

                                   ELYSE
            Yes?

                                   SPONSOR
            Our records indicate that you, Delia, have chosen Enfinity to
            be your sponsor. And you, Elyse, have no sponsor at all.

                                   ELYSE
            That's right. How did you...

                                   DELIA
                          (to Elyse)
            Don't talk to him dear. He's just going to try to make me
            question my package choice.

                                   SPONSOR
            As well you should. Did you know that should your child
            (Darryl, yes?) get into a top ten accredited school -- one
            with tuition, fees and a 16 credit hour semester in excess of
            twenty-five thousand dollars, Enfinity will only pay 80%?

                                   ELYSE
            How do you know us? Why are you here in the park?

                                   SPONSOR
            And Elyse, you have yet to discover the ease of living that
            sponsorship can bring.
            With Cleerchannel, it's not just free college in exchange for
            a lifetime of logo-wearing and brand loyalty. We offer
            discounts on all brand products, a monthly coupon book,
            and...

                                   ELYSE
            All you are talking about is consumer goods. What about my
            child? You think just because there is college at the end of
            your rainbow...

                                   SPONSOR
                          (warmly)
            Elyse. Elyse we care deeply about your child's well being.
            This is a commitment-for-life, to us, just as much as it will
            be for you. We are the only sponsor that offers free tutoring
            and special counselling options. We have even teamed up with
            several health insurance providers to offer a "double your
            coverage" program.

                                   ELYSE
            Oh.

                                   SPONSOR
            So, Elyse. At least tell me you'll think about it. Just take
            a brochure and policy agreement...

                                        As he reaches into his pocket, another MAN comes
                                        screaming across the stage.

                                   MAN
                          (maniacally & on the run)
            Die, advertising scum!

                                        He tackles the SPONSOR.

                                        BLACKOUT.
            THE END

"Sponsorship" debuted February 21, 2003 directed by J. J. Hickey with the following cast:

Michelle Garb, Toni Loppnow, Eric Johnson, Chris Clarke

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