"Sponsorship" By, Dave Ulrich LIGHTS UP. Two upper-middle-class pregnant women, DELIA and ELYSE are chatting merrily on a park bench. DELIA Do you know the gender? ELYSE It's a boy. Poor thing is going to be a Huffstutter for life. Can't marry out of that. Still amazed that I married into it. DELIA Well, you don't pick the one you love, you just find 'em. ELYSE I suppose. A beat as they ponder that. DELIA Have you picked your sponsor yet? ELYSE Oh no. I don't think I'm going to do that. DELIA Elyse! You can't wait too long. There's waiting lists already. And with our economy, they can't just take every unborn child that comes along. ELYSE Don't you find it just a little creepy? DELIA There's no time to stop and think about that, all the spots in the waiting list are getting filled up. ELYSE But shouldn't it be the child's choice? DELIA By the time they can choose, they won't know how. When we first hit the age of reason, it's the most fickle time in life anyway. So, if wearing a Nike tattoo is gonna put Darryl through college one day, then Samuel here -- (rubbing her belly) -- is gonna have himself a Coca-Cola... and like it. ELYSE But what if Samuel likes Pepsi, Delia? DELIA It's not like there's no options. For one thing, we can always switch to the Cleerchannel package later -- (explanatory) that's the one with Pepsi -- if we wanted to, that is. But I picked the Enfinity package with the Coke because Darryl's got that one already and it's great. And when you add children to the package, the deal gets better. Besides, there could be a lot of complications for me at the grocery store shopping for two different packages! She chuckles. ELYSE It still just seem weird and creepy to me. DELIA Look honey, he's going to like college a lot more than having a choice. He can drink Pepsi after graduation. A MAN has walked up. SPONSOR Delia Linell? Elyse Huffstutter? DARLA Yes? ELYSE Yes? SPONSOR Our records indicate that you, Delia, have chosen Enfinity to be your sponsor. And you, Elyse, have no sponsor at all. ELYSE That's right. How did you... DELIA (to Elyse) Don't talk to him dear. He's just going to try to make me question my package choice. SPONSOR As well you should. Did you know that should your child (Darryl, yes?) get into a top ten accredited school -- one with tuition, fees and a 16 credit hour semester in excess of twenty-five thousand dollars, Enfinity will only pay 80%? ELYSE How do you know us? Why are you here in the park? SPONSOR And Elyse, you have yet to discover the ease of living that sponsorship can bring. With Cleerchannel, it's not just free college in exchange for a lifetime of logo-wearing and brand loyalty. We offer discounts on all brand products, a monthly coupon book, and... ELYSE All you are talking about is consumer goods. What about my child? You think just because there is college at the end of your rainbow... SPONSOR (warmly) Elyse. Elyse we care deeply about your child's well being. This is a commitment-for-life, to us, just as much as it will be for you. We are the only sponsor that offers free tutoring and special counselling options. We have even teamed up with several health insurance providers to offer a "double your coverage" program. ELYSE Oh. SPONSOR So, Elyse. At least tell me you'll think about it. Just take a brochure and policy agreement... As he reaches into his pocket, another MAN comes screaming across the stage. MAN (maniacally & on the run) Die, advertising scum! He tackles the SPONSOR. BLACKOUT. THE END"Sponsorship" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Sponsorship" debuted February 21, 2003 directed by J. J. Hickey with the following cast:
Michelle Garb, Toni Loppnow, Eric Johnson, Chris Clarke