Boulder Don Juan's Pursuit (hand written titles scribbled out)
A Bunch of Skribbles
By Timm Sitzmann Performed:16 Sept 2005
**Scene: #1 working behind counter of a fast food restaurant. #2 enters, holding a work application**
1: Welcome to McDonalds. How may I help you?
2: I'm just dropping off an application. Can you take it for me?
***Sets application on counter/table***
1: You want to work here?
2: I guess. It's a job.
2: No... what?
1: No I can't take it.
2: What? Why not?
1: Look, it's nothing against you. I just can't accept this application. Not from you.
2: But you just said it wasn't about me.
1: I know.
2: Then how can I be the reason you won't accept it?
1: I said it's not you; it's the fact that you're not right for the job.
2: Not right for the job? I think I can do the job just fine.
1: I didn't say you couldn't do the job, I said you weren't right for the job.
1: *An annoyed sigh* What do you want out of your life?
1: I said; what do you want out of your life?
2: Look I just want to hand in my application.
1: Really? That's your life goal? To hand in a McDonalds application? You don't even care if you get the job just the very act of giving me the application means your life is complete?
2: No, I'd like to get the job.
1: So your life goal is to work in McDonalds?
2: No I just want some money.
1: So why are you applying when you don't want to work here in the first place?
2: I said I want money.
1: And you think this application will help you get money?
2: Yeah... it's got my experience and... references.
1: *picks up application* How are references going to help?
2: They would say I would be a good employee.
1: *Mocking, makes phony call** "Hi, Mr. Sanow? Yes, I'm calling about Brian do you think he would be successful in cooking hamburgers? Well how are his condiment skills?" The boss doesn't even look at the applications?
2: Then how does--
1: The phone book.
2: Why require the application then?
1: It isn't required; nobody even sees them. When someone brings one in we place it in an envelope marked important and place it on the manager's office.
2: So what does the manager do with it?
1: Takes the applications out of the envelope and puts it back.
2: I asked about the applications.
1: No, you asked about the envelope.
2: Is this a joke? Do you think you're some kind of comedian?
1: Well, it is a comedy.
2: Do you see me laughing?
1: I don't think you realize this, but comedy is one of the most serious forms of art.
2: You know I am trying hard to understand you right now and it just isn't working.
1: That's exactly your problem.
2: What is?
1: Trying to understand.
2: What does that mean?
1: What do you want out of your life?
2: **Angry, confused** Why won't you take my application?
1: That's why you can't understand it. There is no reason.
2: This is absurd.
1: What is absurd?
2: You're not even giving me a chance to have this job.
1: No, what's absurd is that you believe that somehow the control of this situation is out of your hands, and what's even more absurd as that you believe that this control is in the hands of a McDonalds employee.
2: Why don't you want me to work here?
1: You're the one who doesn't want to work here.
2: Why do you think I don't want to work here?
1: Because it's undignified, has low pay, and has no possibility for advancement.
2: So why do you work here?
1: Because I got the phone call.
2: Just take my application.
1: What do you want out of your life?
2: I... Hate... You.
1: What is so important that you would work here if you don't want to?
2: I want to!
1: Then why don't you hand in the application?
2: Because you won't let me.
1: That's because you don't really want to work here. Why can't you accept that?
**2 releases a frustrated "mad-man" laugh**
1: What are you laughing at?
2: You wouldn't understand.
1: I asked why you can't accept it
2: No, I'm answering your question.
1: That doesn't answer my -
2: What do I want out of life? You wouldn't understand.
1: Now I understand.
2: That you can't -
2: Now I understand.
2: **Shakes head** Quality.
1: Now you understand.
2: But how is working in McDonalds quality?
1: It isn't
2: Now I don't understand.
1: It isn't always perfect, but it always is.
2: But I can't help but think that you're resigning yourself to a life of mediocrity.
1: It's a fine line between acceptance and resignation.
**2 Second Pause**
***Rest of skit is done without scripts, from memory, attempting to look as real as possible. After the last line #1 sits first, then #2 goes to his seat. While sitting they make comments to the people around them, or under their breath - but don't overdo it. Continue this through as much of the show as possible***
2: We go through 4 minutes of this nonsense and that's the... the truth you're revealing?
1: I thought it was an okay message.
2: There is no message.
1: Maybe that's the point.
2: "Maybe that's the point?" Have you ever gone to a restaurant where everyone gets their meals but you get an empty plate and you say "Waiter, there's no food" and he says "Maybe that's the point." No, because that would be dumb. *pause* Or... have you ever, not you Tim, but.. if you had ever brought a girl home, and, eaten her out for almost an hour, she cums like 6 times and then puts her clothes on and walks out. And you're yelling out the window "There's no blowjob" and she says "Maybe that's the point" and you're thinking "Oh... That's kind of clever." *pause* No you'd be pissed. If it has no meaning, there's no point. It sucks.
1: Yeah Adam. That was completely necessary.
2: You told me I couldn't read the script, that it was about this existentialism and absurdist Albert Camus stuff with this ending that would be lose it's philosophical truth if it read ahead and... it was just... dumb.
1:Whatever Adam... whatever.
**1 returns to seat, 2 slightly incredulous shakes head then returns also**
**5 second Pause**
**Seriously, don't turn the lights off yet***
** wait for my signal, unless people are clapping**
** Okay, turn the lights off now**