- March 5, 2004 - No Shame Iowa City
Performed by Timm Sitzmann, Mark Norris and Brad Hansen
Exocannibalism: literally and figuratively OR Forget Atkins, I eat people.
By Timm Sitzmann
Performed March 5 2004 w/ Timm, Mark Norris and Brad Hansen
***Jonathon standing, center stage, Narrator standing
further in front and more stage left***
Narrator: Dark brown, Tommy Bahama designer sandals, with
the outlines from his sweaty toes worn into them.
Jonathon: I don’t travel without them
N: Jonathon Smith was a self proclaimed culturalist. His 3.4
million dollar home was cluttered with authentic souvenirs acquired through his
trips abroad. He sits atop a Thembu royal throne he purchased in the African
Nbashi river valley; he is wearing his Armani suit, sipping martinis.
J: Sitting here I really feel in touch with the primitive
side of life – completely aligned with the natural Earth.
N: It was his escape from the urban jungle, a retreat of
sorts.
***Standing, Jonathon Smith points to a picture***
J: Ah, this picture is me with a group of native Indians
from the
N: It’s not to say that the trips themselves were the
retreat he needed from his hectic life, but it’s not to say that they weren’t.
It is to say that Jonathon Smith spent more time reciting his travels to
friends than the time Jonathon Smith actually spent traveling.
J: Peaks of the Tibetan mountains, Mayan villages of
**** Jonathon Smith Exits Stage Left*****
N: The Nimo people are indigenous to the
*** Jon and Anthropologist Evan McGreu enter walking and
talking to each other *****
J: …until the Australian government brought
peace to the Nimo people, banning warfare and sorcery. However, there are still
tribes of uncivilized Nemo people in the remote areas of the jungle. I plan to
track down the cannibals and offer them tobacco and beads In return they will
let me stay in their tree houses.
Evan: I'm sure they'll be welcoming. These
people live like they did in the Stone Age. When they eat people, it's more
like a vendetta between tribes - like rival football teams
***J and E continue walking and talking
(softly) back and forth on the stage***
N: That was his plan, as explained to
anthropologist Evan McGreur, who along with Jonathon Smith, had just arrived
with the New Guinea Adventure Tour.
***J and E stop, Evan points up ahead****
E: Oh look! There is the village up ahead!
***They
continue walking, Paladwa enters stage and stands near stage right****
N: This was the destination for the Adventure tour – The remote Nimo tribal village. The streets lined with vendors dispensing clothing, masks, weapons, and hand carved idols of their religious spirits. Jonathon Smith and anthropologist Evan McGreu stopped to browse the vendor in front of the Lutheran Missionary’s office.
***
J and E stop in front of Paladwa, J picks up an imaginary statue off the
floor****
J:
Look it the detail on this statue.
E:
That’s Jawala – the warrior god. If the villagers were afraid of a warring
tribe, they would worship and appease him in order to guarantee protection from
the enemy.
J:
It would look perfect next to my Iroquois headdress in my study. I must have
it. Excuse me, how much for this?
P:
50
J:
I’ll give you 10.
P:
*shake head* 50
J:
okay, 15. Deal?
P:
*shake head* 50
J:
fine fine. 18. here, take it!
P:
*shake head* 50
J:
Do you like cigarettes? Smoke? *hand them cigarette* yeah, smoke! Okay, now 15?
P:
*shake head* 50
J: You’re really trying to rip me off. I’ll find one somewhere else.
***
J and E walk away from Paladwa. Paladwa Exits Stage Right****
J: Can you believe that? 50 dollars? I’m not made of money. Flying
here alone cost me thirty five hundred dollars! I can’t afford a fifty dollar
statue. Greedy savages, trying to take advantage of ignorant tourists.
E:
I’ve been thinking about your plan, you know, to find the remote tribes in the
jungle and live with them. I want to join you. It would be great research for
my new book. It would also be sure to get me department head and that pay
increase.
J:
Great! ****Jonathon points**** Look,
there’s a path into the jungle.
*****
J and E walk off stage left continuing small conversation (softly)******
N:
Jonathon Smith and anthropologist Evan McGreu wandered through the remote
jungles near the Jawala village of the Nimo people for five hours that day and
four hours that night. Mostly this time was spent retelling their tales of
danger and exploration of primitive lands.
N:
They were so engaged in their attempts to impress the other that they didn’t
hear the rustle of the Nipa tree leaves in the jungle around them.
3
seconds before the machetes entered their necks they looked up and saw the
painted eyes behind the wooden mask standing in front of them.
2
seconds before the blades made their mark and the crimson blood trickled down
the length of their torsos, the two explorers
heard the sound of running feet stop
1
second before their skin was split and the deluge of red blood erupted from
wound, their minds thought only of their flesh and their muscle in the mouths of
these primitive people.
And
at the final moment before the machete sliced through
the
necks of Jonathon Smith and the anthropologist Evan McGreu
their
dark red stained bodies fell limp to the ground,
the
two cultural cannibals finally knew
what
it was like to be the people who were being consumed.
Performed by Timm Sitzmann, Mark Norris and Brad Hansen
Library]
