FLASHBACK
by Ben Schmidt
2/20/98
ADAM is in the dark with flashlight. He turns it on saying "little light goes on." He turns the beam to illuminate a bag of cheese curds and says "cheese curds." He eats one and says "I love these things," then turns the light off saying "little light goes off." This sequence happens several times ("little light goes on", nibbles cheese curds, "little light goes off") as a dark figure (SMICK) in a long coat and hat creeps up behind him. The figure puts a hand on ADAM's shoulder. He freaks out. They both freeze and scream, pointing flashlights at one another.
ADAM [realizing it's Smick]: Oh. Cheese curds?
SMICK: Oh, I love these things. [He eats one.] Well, I can't find the fuse anywhere.
ADAM: Oh well, no lights. [Turns off flashlight.] No big deal right?
SMICK: Right. [Turns off his light, long pause.] I wonder if the phone works?
ADAM: Hmmmmmmmm? Are you expecting any calls?
[Pause.]
SMICK: What?
ADAM [turning on light]: Calls, are you expecting any?
SMICK [turning on light]: No, you?
ADAM: No.
SMICK and ADAM [turning out, relieved]: Goood!
[Smick's light flickers then goes out.]
SMICK: Damn.
[Pause while Adam begins eating cheese curds.]
SMICK: Hey, can you shine your light over here for a minute? [Adam does.] Thanks. [Smick pulls a newspaper out of his pocket and begins reading. Adam moves light to his face to illuminate a look of incredulity, then shines the light back on Smick.] Just for a few minutes, and then I'll hold it for you.
ADAM: Oh, alright.
[Smick reads in silence for a while.]
ADAM [turning light off]: Little light goes off! [Pause.]
SMICK [sarcastically]: Oh good.
ADAM [turning on light]: Little light goes on. [Smick resumes reading.]
ADAM does this a few times with SMICK interjecting asides of his choosing, clearly not amused. As this happens, a second dark and mysterious character (BEN) approaches. He reaches out and puts a hand on SMICK's shoulder, who screams. ADAM and the stranger scream and they are caught in each others beams. There is a suspenseful standoff until the stranger reaches into his coat and pulls out . . . A phone.
BEN: It's for you!
SMICK and ADAM [to each other]: I ain't gettin it!
BLACKOUT.
"Flashback" debuted February 20, 1998 performed by Adam Burton, John Smick, Ben Schmidt.Performed again at the Best of No Shame on May 1, 1998.
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