- September 1, 2006 - No Shame Iowa City
Performed by Danielle Santangelo, Adam Hahn & Jonathan Shelton.
chocolate bar
~by danielle santangelo~
LIGHTS UP on LEE. He is eating the last bite of a chocolate bar. There is a sea of chocolate bar wrappers scattered around him. Also a full plate of celery.
DEE enters, stops when she sees the wrappers.
DEE
Lee, you ate all the chocolate bars!
LEE (full mouth)
No I didn't.
DEE
Yes you did, look at all these wrappers!
He looks.
LEE
I'm sorry, Dee. I saved you all the celery!
DEE
I don't want celery! (rummages through the wrappers, finds a single unopened chocolate bar) OK, good, I found ONE. This one is mine, ok? MINE.
She sits it between them and sits down, reading.
Pause.
LEE
You gonna eat that?
DEE
Yes!
LEE
When?
DEE
I don't know. I don't want it right now, I'm saving it.
She continues to read and LEE sits back.
LEE
I'm just gonna eat a stick of celery.
He slowly picks up the chocolate bar and covers it up with a stick of celery.
LEE
Mmm...got a good stick of celery here.
He starts to unwrap the chocolate, still covering it with the celery. DEE looks.
DEE
Lee! I told you, it's MINE!
She continues reading. LEE sits back.
Pause.
LEE
I'm just gonna make a quick phone call.
HE dials. DEE's phone rings.
DEE
Why're you calling–
LEE
I'm not calling you.
DEE (picking up the phone)
Yeah?
LEE (in a deep voice)
Uh, Dee?
DEE
What.
LEE (deep voice)
It's your dad. Um, I'm in the living room. You should come talk to me and leave Lee alone.
DEE
Lee, I know it's–
LEE (deep voice)
I think your mom's hot.
DEE
What?! Lee, get off the phone, I know its you, I'm not stupid!
LEE tries to laugh it off. Sits back. DEE continues to read.
LEE
Wanna see a trick I learned?
DEE
Sure.
LEE silently whistles.
DEE
What was that?
LEE
A silent whistle.
DEE
So what's it do?
Suddenly a big MAN with a gun bursts in.
MAN
DON'T ANYBODY MOVE OR I'LL BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!!
DEE
Oh my god! Don't kill us! Don't kill us PLEASE don't kill us!
MAN
Bitch shut up! Now both of you get on your hands and knees and do exactly as I say!
They both get on their hands and knees.
Gimme your money.
They both hand over their money.
Give me the chocolate bar and shut the fuck up.
DEE gives him the chocolate.
Now put your heads between your knees and count to a hundred!
He exits. DEE starts counting. The MAN re-enters, quietly, and hands LEE the chocolate bar.
LEE (whisper)
How much do I owe you?
MAN
I owe you, actually.
LEE
Oh, right right.
They exchange cash and the MAN begins to exit.
MAN
You gonna eat that celery?
LEE
Get out of here!
DEE looks up.
DEE
Hey!
The MAN points the gun at her.
MAN
I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE!
He and LEE exchange nods, and he exits.
DEE
Lee! You set that whole thing up?
LEE
No.
DEE
Then why did he want the chocolate bar? Why do you have the chocolate bar?
LEE
He decided he didn't want it.
DEE
Lee, I can't believe you! All this for a chocolate bar? For my chocolate bar? After you ate all the other chocolate bars?!
LEE
I just wanted a taste!
DEE
I don't care, it's mine! Here's what I'm gonna do.
She unwraps the chocolate bar and eats the entire thing in front of him.
LEE
I can’t believe you just did that.
DEE spits a pile of chewed-up chocolate into her hand.
DEE
That’s all that’s left. Sorry Charlie.
LEE takes her hand and licks off all the chocolate. Licks it clean. He licks his lips and smiles, satisfied.
LEE
I just wanted a taste.
BLACKOUT
Performed by Danielle Santangelo, Adam Hahn & Jonathan Shelton.
Library]
