"Movie Reviews with Mike and Jeff" By Mike Rothschild LIGHTS UP on Mike and Jeff. JEFF So I went to "Munich" the other day. MIKE Just so we're clear, you mean "Munich" the movie, not Munich the city, right? JEFF Yeah, the movie. Did you think I meant the city? MIKE I just didn't want to get into a thing where you were talking about the city and I was talking about the movie or you were talking about the movie and I was talking about the city. JEFF I'm talking about the movie. Are you talking about the city? MIKE I'm not talking about either one. You're talking about the movie. JEFF Right. We can talk about the city, if you want. MIKE I've never been there. JEFF Neither have I. MIKE Then how can we talk about it? JEFF I don't know, you're the one who brought it up. MIKE You brought up the movie and...ok, I'm stopping this right now. Tell me what you thought of "Munich." JEFF I just told you, I've never been there. MIKE THE MOVIE! "MUNICH" THE MOVIE! JEFF Oh, right. It was ok. Lots of violence, explosions, gun fights. A naked pregnant chick. That was kind of cool. MIKE That was the main character's wife. JEFF I wouldn't kick her out of bed. Not that I'd kick a pregnant woman, because she'd probably get really protective... MIKE Stop. So, overall, it's a good movie? JEFF Sure, except for the glaring historical inaccuracies. MIKE That's a matter of debate. Some say the targets of the Israeli assassin team weren't involved in the Munich plot and the killings were basically done for the sake of vengeance. JEFF I found an even bigger historical inaccuracy. The assassins didn't exist at all. MIKE Well, they are composite characters... JEFF Come on, Mike. Everyone knows Jews don't kill people. That was totally made up for the movie. MIKE What are you talking about? Jews kill people! JEFF Nope. Jews do not kill people. MIKE That's ridiculous. Israel has a massive army and one of the most feared special ops units in the world. JEFF Then why would they hire James Bond to kill the terrorists? MIKE Bond? JEFF James Bond! He was one of your so-called "Israeli hitmen." MIKE No, that's Daniel Craig, the actor playing the new James Bond. He's not really James Bond. JEFF Well yeah, he was undercover. He can't just go around telling people who he is. 007 doesn't do that kind of thing. MIKE 007 isn't real. But the Israeli assassins were real. JEFF Why don't we put that aside for the moment, since you're obviously having delusions. MIKE Obviously. JEFF Another huge inaccuracy was the Israeli leader. MIKE What about her? JEFF She was a woman! MIKE Yeah, Golda Meir. She was the Israeli Prime Minister. JEFF Come on, that's totally unbelievable. What nation would elect a woman as its leader? That's just absurd. MIKE I really like how in the space of three minutes, you've managed to insult Jews, pregnant women and women in general. By all means, keep going. JEFF I'm just trying to clear up the historical record. It's not like Spielberg's other movies aren't rife with inaccuracy. MIKE Like what? JEFF Ok, "War Of The Worlds?" Have you ever seen an alien tripod? I know I haven't. "AI?" Where's my robot? And in "The Terminal" Tom Hanks is from a country that doesn't even exist! How can someone be from a country that doesn't exist? MIKE Those movies are fiction! They never pretended to be based in fact! "Munich" is based on historical events, but with dramatic license. What's so hard to believe about that? JEFF There's no getting around the historically accepted fact that Jewish people don't kill people. You're Jewish, right? MIKE Yeah... JEFF Then kill me. MIKE Gladly. Mike gets up, as if to kill Jeff. JEFF What are you doing? MIKE Killing you. JEFF I didn't really mean "kill me." MIKE No, no. You wanted me to kill you, so I'm going to kill you. I'm going to prove to you that Jews are just as capable of murder as anyone else by choking you to death! JEFF I thought Jews were a non-violent, logical people. MIKE No, you're thinking of Vulcans. JEFF And I suppose Jews aren't covered in fur and live on a planet of giant trees. MIKE Wookies. JEFF Man, I'm really confused. I need a vacation. Maybe I'll go to Munich. BLACKOUTTHIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Jeff Goode & Mike Rothschild.