"Movie Reviews with Mike and Random Woman"

By Mike Rothschild

Previously on "Movie Reviews", Mike went off in search of his long time movie reviewing partner Jeff, who had gone on a quest to find his identical cousin Patroclus, from the movie "Troy". While in a seedy bar, Mike met a Random Woman and offered to pay for her to attend a movie with him, if she'd later review it at No Shame. Now, the continuation.

So I saw that new "Harry Potter" movie.

Yeah? How was it?

It takes the series in a different direction, having assumed the growing maturity of its audience. I thought the actors themselves had matured as well, giving their best performances of the series. And while the cinematography and special effects are superior, I felt the story suffered from a lack of focus, having characters appear exactly where they needed to be exactly when they had to be there, with no explanation offered. I also thought the stakes weren't high enough for Harry, because he never seemed to be in real danger, mostly he was just coming to terms with his powers, which I felt we'd seen in the earlier films. Overall, it's an entertaining and well made film, but the scattered nature of the story makes it the weakest of the three films so far.

Yeah. This isn't going to work out.

Why not? That was a great review!

It was too good. People are used to a certain lack of quality in my movie reviews.

Yeah, I know. That stupid Jeff guy.

Well, yeah.

So you're firing me because I'm not stupid?

It's just our thing. He has some wacky misunderstanding about David Bowie being at the Alamo or getting "Van Helsing" and "Van Wilder" mixed up, and I correct him. That's what we do. Nobody wants to see two people having intelligent discourse about a movie. It would make the audience confused and angry.

So you just wanted me for one review, and that's it?

We could see movies. But we shouldn't review them together.

You begged me to review to a movie with you!

Yeah. I was desperate. I hadn't reviewed a movie in a while, and I was worried I'd forget how to do it.

And you can't review movies on your own?

I told you, it's not the same.

So you want me to be stupid? I can give you stupid! (retard voice) Derrr! I'm stupid! I review movies! Derrr! Starsky and Hutch were lesbians! Hitler was a fictional character! Derrr!

That's just undignified.

You want undignified? Go fuck yourself. I don't need this. I have a boyfriend and he'll see movies with me.

But will he review them with you?

No. But I'll suck his dick anyway.

She's got me there.