Routine.

by Alisa Rosenthal

 

 

ALISA opens a door. SETH is standing without any pants on.

 

SETH

I'm not wearing any pants. (Pause.)

 

ALISA

Oh?

 

SETH

Soda?

 

ALISA

Yeah. Did you spell something?

 

SETH

No.

 

ALISA

You think you're a pretty funny guy.

 

SETH

Bananas?

 

ALISA

Yellow or green?

 

SETH

Would you wear them on your head?

 

ALISA

Should I wear them?

 

SETH

No, you eat them!

 

ALISA

Ooooohhh!

 

SETH

Cookies?

 

ALISA

I am hungry

 

SETH

Well, I keep offering you food, and I feel like you're just turning me down, and turning me down. We have an engagement that we need to get to soon, and you keep holding us up! HOLDING US UP! So eat some food, put on some clothes, and let's GO.

 

ALISA

I'm sorry.

 

SETH

It's ok.

 

ALISA

I'm sorry.

 

SETH

It's ok!

 

ALISA

I'm sorry.

 

SETH

(with sincerity)

Well, I keep offering you food, and I feel like you're just turning me down, and turning me down. We have an engagement that we need to get to soon, and you keep holding us up, holding us up. So seat some food, put on some nice clothes, and let's go.

 

ALISA

I am hungry.

 

SETH

(throwing them at her)

Cookies!

 

ALISA

(throwing them in the air)

Ooooohhh!

 

SETH

No, you eat them!

 

ALISA

(picking up shoes)

Should I wear them?

 

SETH

Would you wear them on your head?

 

ALISA

(not listening)

Yellow or green?

 

SETH

Bananas? (Pause.)

 

ALISA

You think you're a pretty funny guy.

 

SETH

No.

 

ALISA

Yeah. (Exasperated.) Did you spill something?

 

SETH

Soda.

 

ALISA

OH!

 

SETH

I'M NOT WEARING ANY PANTS!

 

Lights.