by Alisa Rosenthal
A CD player and mannequin head are placed on a table. Play is pressed. Lights.
I'm in love.
I'm in love with the internet.
The internet, has made me in love with life, love, and that indefinable ether between us. When I'm not "living the high life" as I'm sure my appearance leads you to believe I do all the time, I become LadyMambazo92 in the privacy of my own home. At night, I sign online-because I'm such an insomniac-and one time found myself in a chatroom. This was the fateful night I met Adam, or rather, PaulSimonFan4Life118. He quickly commented on my screenname's likeness to that of the seminal South African choral group Ladysmith Black Mambazo, who worked with Paul Simon in the '80s, catapulting him to the iconic status that he now so rightfully holds. As you can probably tell, we could already sense our powerful connection, and promptly moved out of the crowded chatroom, into a more personal and intimate AOL instant messenger conversation.
We've been talking online for a year and a half now, having
the deepest and most intellectually stimulating conversations of my life. But now, I've fallen into a slight
conundrum: He recently told me that he
loves me. He wants me to move to
But...the other thing is...he thinks I'm 37. I know I'm in love! I know that I've made a sort of connection with this man that I'll never be able to make with any other human being!
Maybe...we're both just star-crossed lovers and it's never meant to be. Ooh, that's dramatic.
I should tell my parents, shouldn't I. Why didn't anyone tell me that love would be so hard! I can't imagine never talking to him again, and I've never even talked to him in person! But how cruel is it to dangle love in my face, only to take it away, but leave just enough of it sleeping on my shoulder, lingering on me for the rest of my life. How terrible is it to be so sure of something for once in your life, only to have it be your life's biggest uncertainty. How did I get myself into something like this, and why do I not want to get out of it.
What the FUCK am I supposed to do. (Lights.)
Performed vocally by Alisa Rosenthal.