THE DINNER PARTY

a new play by Alisa Rosenthal

 

 

ALISA sets up CD player and pushes play. She turns, smiles, and waves to the audience. The following plays pre-recorded...ly.

 

ALISA

Hi! My name is Alisa. The play I have prepared for you tonight has recently encountered an unfortunate event. After a month a half of rehearsal, all of my actors mysteriously disappeared for different and unrelated reasons. I would love to relate said reasons to you to give you a little more closure, but even I couldn't understand the explanatory e-mail one of them sent me. Something about a repressed phallus obsession. Anyways, the show must go on as the say, and I was fully prepared to it as a one woman show just for you. Luckily, I had the foresight to aurally record my play in case I lost my voice tonight, and was low on energy due to prior involvement in the University's 10 Minute Play Festival on this very stage. So! Without further ado, I give you my new play "The Dinner Party" as re-enacted with inanimate objects. Enjoy.

 

The Bran Flakes's "Pure Love" plays as ALISA sets the stage for amazement. Then! the play begins.

 

MISS LOLA LOLA (mannequin head)

Why Mr. Harvey Dupree, aren't you having a fantastic time at my DINNER PARTY?

 

MR. HARVEY DUPREE (trench coat)

Why yes Miss Lola Lola, I certainly am. Hah hah hah! You always throw the most delightful DINNER PARTIES.

 

MISS LOLA LOLA

Why thank you Mr. Harvey Dupree, I certainly try. Oooh I just hope that TART Dame Esmeralda Taco-face doesn't come!

 

MR. HARVEY DUPREE

I second that notion. She's always such a downer.

 

MISS LOLA LOLA

And a tart!

 

(ding dong)

 

MR. HARVEY DUPREE

I believe someone is at the door.

 

MISS LOLA LOLA

I concur. Oooh I just hope it isn't that TART Dame Esmeralda Taco-face! (MISS LOLA LOLA gets the door, DAME ESMERALDA TACO-FACE enters.) Egads! It's that TART Dame Esmeralda Taco-face!

 

DAME ESMERALDA TACO-FACE (KISS's "Destroyer" on vinyl)

You honestly think I would pass up one of your killer parties Lola Lola?

 

MISS LOLA LOLA

Oh, of course not...

 

DAME ESMERALDA TACO-FACE

That's right! Oh, why hello there. You didn't tell me Mr. Harvey Dupree would be in attendance.

 

MR. HARVEY DUPREE

Charmed, I'm sure.

 

DAME ESMERALDA TACO-FACE

Darling, you look fantastic.

 

MR. HARVEY DUPREE

And you don't look a day over 55.

 

DAME ESMERALDA TACO-FACE

Oooohh!!

 

MISS LOLA LOLA

Ezzie, why don't you take a seat and I'll fix you a drink.

 

DAME ESMERALDA TACO-FACE

Don't mind if I do. So, when is Mr. Beefcake coming?

 

MR. HARVEY DUPREE

Mr. Beefcake is coming?

 

MISS LOLA LOLA

Why yes, didn't I tell you Harvs?

 

MR. HARVEY DUPREE

No!!!

 

(ding dong)

 

DAME ESMERALDA TACO-FACE

I'll get it!

 

MISS LOLA LOLA

No I will!!

 

(they fight, MR. BEEFCAKE enters.)

 

MR. BEEFCAKE (Mr. Beefcake plastic toy)

Hello ladies!

 

LADIES

Hello Mr. Beefcake!

 

MR. BEEFCAKE

My! Don't you two look lovely tonight!

 

MISS LOLA LOLA

Why thank you Mr. Beefcake. Let's kiss. (They kiss. Passionately. ESMERALDA fumes.)

 

MR. BEEFCAKE

My! This is quite some party!

 

MR. HARVEY DUPREE

And it's just about to get a whole lot better... (he takes out a gun [deodorant]) I've been living a lie!! Miss Lola Lola, I...I must tell you the truth...I HATE YOUR DINNER PARTIES!

 

MISS LOLA LOLA

What?!?!?!1!?!!?111/1

 

MR. HARVEY DUPREE

It's true! And this is why you must die!!! (He shoots her.) (bang)

 

MISS LOLA LOLA

Nooooo!!! (Dies.)

 

DAME ESMERALDA TACO-FACE

Worst party EVER.

 

(end.)

 

(manic applause.)

 

Minnie Riperton's "Les Fleur" plays as the players bow.