A really clever idea, aka A piece for Scott and Me:
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Piece for Scott and Me
(lights up on S amd M. S packs or cleans, M drinks coffee or stares at a soup bowl.)
M: Hes clever.
M: Richard. A deceitful bastard and an egotist, but clever.
S: I wouldnt know, Ive never spoken to him.
M: A really clever idea.
M: Didnt you hear at the party tonight?
S: I told you, Ive never met him.
M: Balls. You said youd never spoken to him. Thats not surprising, no one speaks to
Richard. He speaks to you. Hes a bastard. But clever. A really clever bastard.
S: Stop brooding and help me pick up, or tell me what youre on about.
M: So simple. So easy. I dont know why I didnt think of it myself.
S: Because youre not as clever as Richard.
M: Youve never met him!
S: He was at the party, wasnt he? I must have met him!
M: (very suspicious) Why say you didnt then?
S: Perhaps I wanted to steal his really clever idea before you did.
M: You wouldnt have the nerve.
S: Bollocks. A really clever idea can be stolen by another equally clever person.
M: A really clever person would know better than to brag about a really clever idea like this one being capable of being stolen.
S: (desperate) Look, look! I dont want to discuss it any more! (pause) I gave Richard the idea in the first place.
M: Youre lying. You dont have two brain cells to rub together. The last clever idea you had was that it might be better to drop your trousers if youre going to take a shit. Richard wouldnt even speak to you.
S: Weve been lovers for years.
M: Youre pathetic. Richard doesnt even know how clever he was. Accidental genius. He thought he was making a joke, and I was clever enough to take him seriously. Hell be as shocked as the rest.
S: The rest of whom? Shocked at what?
M: At a really clever idea.
S: For Gods sake! Stop sitting there drinking your coffee and toying with me!
M: Ah, youll never really fit in anywhere, will you Scott? Its not your fault. You see, in this world there are two types of people. One type is clever and the other type either admires or despises the first.
S: Thats three types, actually.
M: Fuck off, youre either clever or you arent.
S: And thats you, then is it? Clever?
M: Youll see. Monday morning in the Times theres going to be a story, and a lot of
people will be talking about a really clever idea.....
Performed by Todd Ristau and Scott B. Smith.
Performed by Todd Ristau and Greg Hays.
Performed by Todd Ristau and Richie Cannaday.
Performed by Todd Ristau and John Shirley.