copyright © 2004 Todd Ristau

Every Flag Draped Corpse MUST Be Republican

An Archie Levine piece by Todd Wm. Ristau

(News Theme Music and lights up on a man in a suit seated at a desk, music out. To be performed as an angry rant in the style of Lewis Black or Andy Rooney after being kept in a cage for a week fed only Mexican food and tequila.)

Hey. I'm Archie Levine, and this is what I think.

There's a lot going on in the news right now...a lot of "crazy" stuff, but in an election year, that's what you pay for so why be suprised when that's what you get? Sean Hannity is coming to Roanoke. It's the last stop on his Hannitization of America tour across the United States, hawking his new book "Deliver Us From Evil" (Now proudly 30% off at and whipping up support for the election of George II.

Sean is a conservative radio news "analyst" and he's got a TV show on Fox with a token liberal named Colmes. Now, I listen to him and all the other conservative talkers on radio AM 960, completely counter to the advice of my wife, my doctor, and my better judgement.

The biggest issue of the week, bigger than Martha Stewart guilty on all counts, bigger than the ousting of Haiti's president, bigger than the Holy Day bomb blasts in Iraq...Bigger than all that stuff the controversy over George W. Bush's first campaign ad...showing a flag draped body being pulled from the rubble of the World Trade Center on 9-11 by some firemen.

Some of the widows of September 11th, the same ones who have been trying since 2001 to get the President to do a full and independent investigation into the attacks, to get their compensation, and be treated with the same compassion Bush gave the airlines in shielding them from litigation--these women are upset about what they consider exploitation of the tragedy for political purposes. They've been called Democrat Dupes reading from the Kerry Playbook. Other widows are proud of the President and comforted by the ads, so these women MUST be LYING for political purposes. THEY are the ones exploiting the tragedy to spread THEIR hate speech AGAINST the president.

Today, I heard Sean Hannity say that the Bush has every right to discuss 9-11, because it is the defining event of his presidency.

Hey, for once I agree with you, Sean. Not only does he have a right to discuss it, he has a DUTY to discuss it. But how about instead of letting pictures of dead bodies do the discussing for him, he does his discussing in front of the 9-11 commission investigating the tragedy, and how about we make that discussion part of the public record?

You want to get my vote, that would be a better way of doing it.

But then, that's not very likely when this is the president who opposed the creation of that commission, has tried to block that investigation, has tried to keep documents out of evidence, and this week tried to pressure the commission to limit his "discussion" with them to an hour.

3,000 people dead, the defining event of his presidency, the reason we're supposed to keep him in office, and all he can spare is an hour for the official investigation?

Seems kind of strange to me, but what the hell do I know? I'm just another rug biting America Hater to be dismissed out of hand until Anne Coulter can have me shot for treason.

(music up, lights out)



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