The Metro.
(lights up on Sal or some other guitarist "noodling" about on their instrument. After a bit a Parisian Policeman enters.)
Cop: You are not soliciting for money are you sir?
Musician: I am just here to play music, if people wish to tip me that is their business.
Cop: I see, do you have a permit?
Musician: No, I dont have a permit.
Cop: Then you did not audition to play here?
Musician: No, I just, you know, sat down and started to practice.
Cop: You can not practice here, you must practice at home. Here is for liscnenced street musicians, those who have auditioned for their permit. People do not want to hear you practice as they go to and from work with their cares of the day! Quality counts!
Musician: Ok.
(musician begins to play a Beatles song.)
Cop: No no, you must not do that, it is not permissable to butcher the Beatles this way.
Musician: Look, man, what about my right as an artist to express myself?
Cop: What about the rights of the audience? Dont they have a right to something good?
Musician: Who are you to decide what is good? I mean, what about freedom of speech?
Cop: Ridiculous. There are standards, and I am empowered by the government of France to enforce them!
Man steps onto stage: Excuse me, you cant do this skit here.
Cop: This is no skit, it is a Piece. A piece of socially relevant theatre.
Man: Do you have a permit? Did you submit this script for approval?
Cop: (losing bad accent) No.
Man: Well you cant do this piece here. We only want good pieces of theatre that are about things relevant to our audience. Who cares about France or the rules for musicians on the Paris Metro?
Cop: Well, I do.
Man: Well, I dont and I make the rules here. We dont want pieces about France, we dont want bad French accents and we dont want....
Cop: But I wrote this piece and I have a right to perform it.
Man: But what about the audiences right to see something they can relate to? How about riding a yellow bike in here and then beating the shit out of it with a hammer and setting it on fire? I mean, that would be a statement. This is just gratuitous and the only thing we learn is that you listen to NPR.
Musician: Am I supposed to keep playing or what?
Cop and Man: NO!
Clinton: What are you talking about? Let him do his piece if he wants.
Man: But its really bad.
Clinton: So? If he wants to suck in public let him suck!
Man: But its about France!
Clinton: If its under 5 minutes, its original, and doesnt break the audience or the theatre, and doesnt use an open flame, let him do it. This aint Paris, we got no programming committee. THIS IS NO SHAME!
Audience starts chanting (no shame no shame no shame)
Man: Fine---its your theatre!
(Musician and Cop take up chant)
Man: Fine! Its your theatre! Let it suck it you want to!
(Chanting continues as lights fade out.)
"The Metro" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"The Metro" debuted April 5, 2002, performed by Todd Ristau as Metro Cop, Clinton Johnston as the Musician, Lee Moyer as the Man, and Trent Westbrook as Clinton.