DEEP DIMENSIONS Copyright (C) 2004 by Steve Rawley SETTING: A RADIO STUDIO Theme music comes up , a simplistic and spacey thing. ANNOUNCER 1 (male) (slowly) Deep Dimensions... ANNOUNCER 2 (female) A journey beyond time and space... ANNOUNCER 1 A jounrney to the innermost secrets of the soul... ANNOUNCER 2 A forum for hacks to hock their books and wares... ANNOUNCER 1 A new dimension of the mind. Theme music fades out. THOMAS MIKES Hello, I'm Thomas Mikes, and this is... Deep Dimensions. My guest this week is somebody I've always wanted to have on my show: pianist, shaman, and herbalist Yummi. Yummi has taken his musical message of inner peace and serenity all around the world, and he's just introduced a new line of energy drinks available at health food stores everywhere. Hello Yummi, and welcome to... Deep Dimensions. YUMMI (with hint of indian accent) Hello Thomas, it's truly wonderful to be here. THOMAS I just have to say, the Yummi Juice is really wonderful. It's a great way to start the day. YUMMI Thank you, Michael-- THOMAS Uh, it's Thomas... YUMMI Oh, sorry. THOMAS Now, those of us familiar with your music are certainly aware of your spiritual side, but not many people know the full story of your spiritual journey... YUMMI Yes, yes... THOMAS You started out as a devotee of the great Swami Babnan Sh- Shra- Shrap-- YUMMI Shraphweelie. The great Babnan. THOMAS Yes, yes. The great Swami. But when he passed on, you had a remarkable life change and became one of the most popular new age pianists on the planet. Tell us, if you will, what led you to the piano. YUMMI Michael, you must understand-- THOMAS Uh, it's Thomas... YUMMI (getting agitated) Thomas, Thomas, try to understand! When the Babnan died, I realized that I had failed him by succumbing to the secondary reality, but more importantly, I had failed myself. It was then that I discovered that people were spending tremendous amounts of money buying recordings of simplistic yet hypnotic music. (calms down, loses accent) So, I sold the Babnan's limousines and bought a large recording studio in Rome. THOMAS Fascinating, fascinating. Just like all the great masters, you turned what would appear to be a conundrum of secondary reality into a vehicle to further enlightenment. YUMMI (with accent again) Yes, yes, it was a tremendous victory of spirit over the physical world. THOMAS So, after you bought the recording studio in Rome, you must have embarked on a new journey, that of learning the piano... YUMMI No, Michael, no... THOMAS Uh, it's Thomas. Thomas Mikes. YUMMI Yes, yes, I know Thomas. Now look. I've forgotten your question. THOMAS I was just curious to know how long you studied the piano, and who your master was. YUMMI Thomas, Thomas... Thomas Mikes! I have only one master. Even though he has left this low level of existence, the Babnan Shraphweelie will always be my master. THOMAS So you're saying the Babnan taught you the piano? YUMMI Please, try to understand, the piano is not real, Thomas. The piano is no more real than this microphone, or the ocean, or the trees... What I play on the piano comes directly from the infinite power of light. I need no master on the piano. THOMAS Yes, yes, I see. That would explain the simplistic, yet hypnotic nature of your music. YUMMI Yes, yes... THOMAS Well you've found remarkable success, first with your music career, and now as an herbalist. Do you think you've tapped into something in the public, perhaps a yearning for a piece of your enlightenment, a glimpse of forever? YUMMI Thomas, Thomas, you must understand. The general public is incredibly gullible. What they yearn for is a simpler life, less aesthetic clutter. At the same time, they are suckers for sentimentality. It is not so much that they want something that I offer as that I offer something that they want. THOMAS Sort of like Forest Gump. YUMMI A remarkable film. I loved it. THOMAS Yes, yes. Sound of door opening and closing as GEORGE BUSH enters. BUSH I think you guys are in the wrong room. THOMAS Well what an honor to have the leader of the free world join us in our studio today. President Bush, on behalf of my wife Carlene and myself, I'd like to welcome you to... Deep... Dimensions. BUSH Well it's just great to be here, but have you seen Condi? THOMAS Condi? BUSH Condi's got to hold my hand while I rehearse my weekly address. THOMAS Sir, we're on the air. BUSH Fine, fine, I'll just practice until Condi gets here. Ah-boo... Ger. Ger... Darn it, Ger-ahb. Ger-abe? Grabe. Ah-boo graib. YUMMI Sir, if you don't mind me saying, your third chakra is flairing. BUSH Who's the little brown guy? Are one of those Eye-rackees? YUMMI I am ROMAN. THOMAS This is Yummi. We were just discussing how the ever-present secondary physical reality always seems to act as mirror to the true, metaphysical self. YUMMI Yes, yes. BUSH Sodom. Suh-DAM. SUH-dum. Suh-DAM. THOMAS Isn't it just interesting how life just sort of gives us little symbolic lessons. YUMMI Yes, I think the bike accident has great symbolic meaning for the president. THOMAS Yes, yes. Think about something like this happening to anybody else, at any other time... YUMMI But this president. Right now. To literally fall on his face... BUSH Well I don't know what the heck you guys are talking about, but I'm talking about Eye-rack. So, who's a guy gotta screw around here to get one of those drinks? THOMAS (laughs) It's so great you'd notice. We're drinking Yummi's new energy drink, Yummi Juice. YUMMI It's remarkable what the right kind of herbs and fungi can do for your spirit. BUSH Well I'm a fun guy, why don't you give me one? Get it? Fungi -- Fun Guy? THOMAS That's just great. So, President Bush, your scrapes and bruises have cleared up remarkably well in such a short time. BUSH That's just the makeup, Michael. Now look, I've got to practice these lines for my radio address. Eye-rack. Eee-rock. Eee-rack. Say, what's that you've got there? THOMAS What, these? Sound of plastic bag rustling. BUSH Yeah, those, give me one of those, I've got to get the taste of that Yummi Juice out of my mouth. YUMMI Those are my Yummi Spelt pretzels with ginko and brewer's yeast. BUSH I wasn't talking to you, Swami. (chews up pretzel and talks with mouth full) Good god, you guys are trying to poison me! What's in these things?!? THOMAS Well, look at that, we're out of time. Presdident Bush, thank you for stopping by, and Yummi, as always, it's been a real pleasure. YUMMI The pleasure is all mine. BUSH Good lord, boys those things are terrible. Here, let me have another. (with mouth full) Al Kay-da. Al Ka-ee-dah. Al-- (chokes) Theme music comes up ANNOUNCER 1 (male) Deep Dimensions is produced by Carlene Mikes. The host and executive producer is Thomas Mikes. Deep Dimensions is a production of the Institute of Nomadic Sciences and distributed by Private Radio International. Theme music out THE ENDTHIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Steve Rawley, Jordan Weiss and Anthony Redelsperger.