DEEP DIMENSIONS

Copyright (C) 2004 by Steve Rawley

SETTING: A RADIO STUDIO

Theme music comes up , a simplistic and spacey thing.

				ANNOUNCER 1 (male)
			(slowly)
		Deep Dimensions...

				ANNOUNCER 2 (female)
		A journey beyond time and space...

				ANNOUNCER 1
		A jounrney to the innermost secrets of the soul...

				ANNOUNCER 2
		A forum for hacks to hock their books and wares... 

				ANNOUNCER 1
		A new dimension of the mind.

Theme music fades out.

				THOMAS MIKES
		Hello, I'm Thomas Mikes, and this is... Deep
		Dimensions. My guest this week is somebody I've
		always wanted to have on my show: pianist, shaman,
		and herbalist Yummi. Yummi has taken his musical
		message of inner peace and serenity all around
		the world, and he's just introduced a new line of
		energy drinks available at health food stores
		everywhere.  Hello Yummi, and welcome to... Deep
		Dimensions.

				YUMMI
			(with hint of indian accent)
		Hello Thomas, it's truly wonderful to be here.

				THOMAS
		I just have to say, the Yummi Juice is really 
		wonderful. It's a great way to start the day.

				YUMMI
		Thank you, Michael--

				THOMAS
		Uh, it's Thomas...

				YUMMI
		Oh, sorry.

				THOMAS
		Now, those of us familiar with your music are
		certainly aware of your spiritual side, but not
		many people know the full story of your spiritual
		journey...

				YUMMI
		Yes, yes...

				THOMAS
		You started out as a devotee of the great Swami
		Babnan Sh- Shra- Shrap--

				YUMMI
		Shraphweelie. The great Babnan.

				THOMAS
		Yes, yes. The great Swami. But when he passed on,
		you had a remarkable life change and became one of
		the most popular new age pianists on the planet.
		Tell us, if you will, what led you to the piano.

				YUMMI
		Michael, you must understand--

				THOMAS
		Uh, it's Thomas...

				YUMMI
			(getting agitated)
		Thomas, Thomas, try to understand! When the Babnan
		died, I realized that I had failed him by succumbing
		to the secondary reality, but more importantly,
		I had failed myself. It was then that I discovered
		that people were spending tremendous amounts of money
		buying recordings of simplistic yet hypnotic music.
			(calms down, loses accent)
		So, I sold the Babnan's limousines and bought a large
		recording studio in Rome.

				THOMAS
		Fascinating, fascinating. Just like all the great
		masters, you turned what would appear to be a 
		conundrum of secondary reality into a vehicle to
		further enlightenment.

				YUMMI
			(with accent again)
		Yes, yes, it was a tremendous victory of spirit
		over the physical world.

				THOMAS
		So, after you bought the recording studio in Rome,
		you must have embarked on a new journey, that of
		learning the piano...

				YUMMI
		No, Michael, no...
		
				THOMAS
		Uh, it's Thomas. Thomas Mikes.

				YUMMI
		Yes, yes, I know Thomas. Now look. I've forgotten
		your question.

				THOMAS
		I was just curious to know how long you studied
		the piano, and who your master was.

				YUMMI
		Thomas, Thomas... Thomas Mikes! I have only one
		master. Even though he has left this low level of
		existence, the Babnan Shraphweelie will always be
		my master.

				THOMAS
		So you're saying the Babnan taught you the piano?

				YUMMI
		Please, try to understand, the piano is not real,
		Thomas. The piano is no more real than this microphone,
		or the ocean, or the trees... What I play on the piano
		comes directly from the infinite power of light. I 
		need no master on the piano.

				THOMAS
		Yes, yes, I see. That would explain the simplistic,
		yet hypnotic nature of your music.

				YUMMI
		Yes, yes...

				THOMAS
		Well you've found remarkable success, first with your
		music career, and now as an herbalist. Do you think
		you've tapped into something in the public, perhaps
		a yearning for a piece of your enlightenment, a glimpse
		of forever?

				YUMMI
		Thomas, Thomas, you must understand. The general
		public is incredibly gullible. What they yearn for
		is a simpler life, less aesthetic clutter. At the
		same time, they are suckers for sentimentality.
		It is not so much that they want something that I
		offer as that I offer something that they want.

				THOMAS
		Sort of like Forest Gump.

				YUMMI
		A remarkable film. I loved it.

				THOMAS
		Yes, yes.

Sound of door opening and closing as GEORGE BUSH enters.

				BUSH
		I think you guys are in the wrong room.

				THOMAS
		Well what an honor to have the leader of the free
		world join us in our studio today. President
		Bush, on behalf of my wife Carlene and myself, I'd
		like to welcome you to... Deep... Dimensions.

				BUSH
		Well it's just great to be here, but have you seen
		Condi?

				THOMAS
		Condi?

				BUSH
		Condi's got to hold my hand while I rehearse my weekly
		address. 

				THOMAS
		Sir, we're on the air.

				BUSH
		Fine, fine, I'll just practice until Condi gets here.
		Ah-boo... Ger. Ger... Darn it, Ger-ahb. Ger-abe? Grabe.
		Ah-boo graib.

				YUMMI
		Sir, if you don't mind me saying, your third chakra is
		flairing.

				BUSH
		Who's the little brown guy? Are one of those Eye-rackees?

				YUMMI
		I am ROMAN.

				THOMAS
		This is Yummi. We were just discussing how the
		ever-present secondary physical reality always
		seems to act as mirror to the true, metaphysical
		self.

				YUMMI
		Yes, yes.

				BUSH
		Sodom. Suh-DAM. SUH-dum. Suh-DAM.

				THOMAS
		Isn't it just interesting how life just sort of gives 
		us little symbolic lessons.

				YUMMI
		Yes, I think the bike accident has great symbolic 
		meaning for the president.

				THOMAS
		Yes, yes. Think about something like this happening
		to anybody else, at any other time...

				YUMMI
		But this president. Right now. To literally fall on
		his face...

				BUSH
		Well I don't know what the heck you guys are talking
		about, but I'm talking about Eye-rack.
			
		So, who's a guy gotta screw around here to get one of
		those drinks?

				THOMAS
			(laughs)
		It's so great you'd notice. We're drinking Yummi's 
		new energy drink, Yummi Juice.

				YUMMI
		It's remarkable what the right kind of herbs and 
		fungi can do for your spirit. 

				BUSH
		Well I'm a fun guy, why don't you give me one? Get
		it? Fungi -- Fun Guy?

				THOMAS
		That's just great. So, President Bush, your scrapes
		and bruises have cleared up remarkably well in such
		a short time.

				BUSH
		That's just the makeup, Michael. Now look, I've got
		to practice these lines for my radio address. Eye-rack.
		Eee-rock. Eee-rack. Say, what's that you've got there?

				THOMAS
		What, these?

Sound of plastic bag rustling.

				BUSH
		Yeah, those, give me one of those, I've got to get 
		the taste of that Yummi Juice out of my mouth.

				YUMMI
		Those are my Yummi Spelt pretzels with ginko and
		brewer's yeast.

				BUSH
		I wasn't talking to you, Swami.
			(chews up pretzel and talks
			with mouth full)
		Good god, you guys are trying to poison me!
		What's in these things?!?

				THOMAS
		Well, look at that, we're out of time. Presdident
		Bush, thank you for stopping by, and Yummi, as
		always, it's been a real pleasure.

				YUMMI
		The pleasure is all mine.

				BUSH
		Good lord, boys those things are terrible. Here,
		let me have another.
			(with mouth full)
		Al Kay-da. Al Ka-ee-dah. Al--
			(chokes)

Theme music comes up

				ANNOUNCER 1 (male)
		Deep Dimensions is produced by Carlene Mikes. The
		host and executive producer is Thomas Mikes.
		Deep Dimensions is a production of the Institute of
		Nomadic Sciences and distributed by Private Radio
		International. 

Theme music out

				THE END

• May 27, 2004 - No Shame Radio (Portland)
  

  Performed by Steve Rawley, Jordan Weiss and Anthony Redelsperger.

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