copyright © 2003 Joshua Peskay
The Interview
By
Joshua Putnam Peskay
Lights up.
Boss waits onstage. He has a clipboard and pen. Looking over a resume. There is knock on the door.
Boss: Come right in.
Interview enters. Eager, smiling, almost giddy.
Boss: Ahh, you must be…
Interview: Yes. Yes I am. Definitely. Yes.
Boss: Excellent. It is a pleasure to…
Interview: Likewise. Completely.
Boss: Great, why don’t you take a…
She sits
Boss: Seat.
Interview: Thank you very much. I really appreciate your taking time to see me. Things being, you know, how they are.
Boss: Not at all. Well, let’s get down to it then, shall we?
Interview: Yes. Lets.
Boss: My first question involves your skills. Do you…
Interview: Yes. Oh yes. Definitely. Yes.
Boss: Great. And how about…
Interview: I’m practically an expert.
Boss: I’m very glad to hear that. That’s excellent indeed.
Interview: Isn’t it!
Boss: My my. Next question; Do you…
Interview: No. I can’t. I just can’t. It’s horrible really.
Boss: It’s not that bad.
Interview: I’ve tried, but I just can’t.
Boss: It’s not a required skill.
Interview: No?
Boss: No. In fact, now that I think about it, it’s completely irrelevant.
Interview: I could learn.
Boss: Without a doubt. I’m sure you could. There’s no question in my mind.
Interview: I think I know of a school that I could…
Boss: It’s really not necessary. Let’s move…
Interview: On. Sure.
Boss: Great. I’m so glad we…
Interview: Understand.
Boss: Each.
Interview: Other.
Boss: So.
Interview: Well
Boss: It’s really…
Both: Refreshing.
Boss: Moving on. Are you familiar with scenarios?
Interview: Gosh, I don’t know. I’m familiar with some things, but not as familiar with others.
Boss: I’ll describe a situation to you, and you tell me what you would do.
Interview: Oh, like a hypothetical situation?
Boss: You could say that.
Interview: I just did.
Boss: Let’s say we were working together.
Interview: I’m happy to say that. In fact, I’m imagining it right now.
Boss: Excellent. We’re working together, and you bring me a sausage biscuit for breakfast.
Interview: How nice of me!
Boss: Indeed. And I eat the sausage biscuit. And I enjoy it.
Interview: That sounds like a lovely situation.
Boss: But, later that morning I have an important meeting with the board. And you’re in the meeting.
Interview: I’m in the meeting?
Boss: You are in the meeting.
Interview: I’m in the meeting!
Boss: Definitely. Absolutely. Hypothetically. And as we’re in the meeting, you notice that I have a bit of sausage stuck in my teeth.
Interview: No!
Boss: Yes.
Interview: Hypothetically.
Boss: It could happen. And soon, I have to present some charts and graphs, but I’ve forgotten the charts…
Interview: No!
Boss: And the graphs.
Interview: That’s a horrible situation. Horrible!
Boss: What would you do?
Interview: Hypothetically?
Boss: Yes.
Interview: I’d have to invite you into a private office…
Boss: Under what pretext?
Interview: Under the pretext of an important message.
Boss: Oh, that’s good.
Interview: (approaching Boss) And then I’d…
At this point the interview kisses the boss passionately, and they grope and roll around on the floor a bit. After a moment of this, the interview rises, spiting a bit of sausage away.
Interview: And then I’d give you your charts. And your graphs.
Boss: Very…
Interview: Impressive
Boss: If I had spinach stuck in my teeth, would you do the same thing?
Interview: I’m not sure. Like I said, I’m familiar with some things, but not as familiar with others.
Boss: Do you think you could…
Interview: Learn? Yes. I could learn. The question is…
Both: Could You?
Lights down
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Joshua Peskay and Jessica Peskay.
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