copyright © 2004 Matt Perry

A Day at Stereotype High School

Part Two: Acceptance

Scene opens with Raven, Jose, Timothy and Pierre staring expectantly at a nervous Alyssa. There is a tense silence before Jose speaks.

Jose: And what exactly are you?

Alyssa: Pardon?

Jose: What are you, chica?

Alyssa: I’m not exactly sure what you mean, Mr. . .

Jose: Call me Joe C. All my Aryan brothers do.

Alyssa: Your what?

Jose: My white brothers! The brotherhood! Ain’t you never heard of white pride before, holmes?

Timothy: Whoa, give the babe some room, Jose. . .

Jose: Bitch, I’m gonna cut you up! How many times I gots to tell you, it’s Joe C!

Pierre: Jose, Joe C, Josie, Jack Off, it does not matter what we call you. You will always respond the same.

Raven: Whoa! Settle the fuck down, everybody! We got a beautiful new guest among us, we need to show her a good time. Otherwise I’ll cast a chant to make Satan eat your souls.

Alyssa: Wait, excuse me, but what the Hell is going on around here? Did I walk in at a bad time?

Timothy sidles up next to Alyssa and begins to put the (very flamingly gay) moves on her.

Timothy: No baby, it’s just a regular day here, don’t worry about it. Hey, you want me to show you around after school?

Jose: Man, she ain’t buying, Timmy boy!

Timothy: Hey, leave me alone, you can’t fault a guy for trying. Do you know the last time I actually got some?

Pierre: Are we talking straight, or up the ass?

Raven: Oh, snap, bitch!

Frustrated, Alyssa singles out Raven and tries to talk with him alone. The others gather around them to listen in.

Alyssa: You, what’s up with you?

Raven: Why are you talking to me, preppie?

Alyssa: What’s with how you talk?

Raven: Girl, I ain’t know nothing ‘bout what ‘chu talkin’ about.

Alyssa: See? Right there! You’re always going from some big ghetto gangster talk to this whiny, depressed gothic stuff! What are you? A gangster or a goth?

Raven looks at the others for a second and they share a quizzical look amongst themselves. After several seconds of confusion, Raven’s face lights up in understanding.

Raven: Both!

Alyssa: Both? How? Those are two completely contradictory stereotypes! And you (Pointing to Timothy), are you gay, or a jock? And you, the guy with the name, you’re Hispanic, and yet you’re a white supremacist! And you’re just French!

Pierre: How dare you!

Jose: Well, duh! Haven’t you noticed, girl? You’re at Stereotype High School!

Timothy: Home of the Flamboyantly Ethnic Racist Aggressive Depressed Athletic Nationalistic Jigaboos!

Alyssa: So you’re all stereotypes, I got that, but two stereotypes? Not to mention, two stereotypes that don’t go along at all!

Raven: Begging your pardon, you close-minded, mainstream, conformist cracka ass ho, but anything can go along when you want it to. All it takes is some determination and open-mindedness.

Alyssa: But you. . .

Raven: Me? Just watch me make it work:

My name is Raven, you can call me Ray

I’m cuttin’ and pimpin’ most everyday

You ain’t never seen a playa this darkly dressed

But pimpin’ hoes makes me depressed

The blood on my wrists is right in place

Like a bruise on my bitch when I smack her face

I’m a hard motherfucker, word, I don’t lie

Spinnin’ Eminem and A.F.I.

So best check yo’self befo’ you wreck yo’self

I gots love for my peoples but I hate myself

You could find me in bed with a fine ass ho

Or reading Edgar Allan Poe

I’m a black-hearted killer with a long-ass staff

I could cut either one of us in half

So remember next time before you speak

I’m a mad ghetto goth, you’re just plain weak

Word dawg, I’m such a corporate whore

Raven begins to beat box while cutting himself to the rhythm before Alyssa stops him

Alyssa: Stop it! This is what you do everyday just to keep your two stereotypical lives alive?

Raven: Well, shit, yeah.

Alyssa: And the rest of you?

Jose: Well, yeah, of course. I mean, my Aryan brothers beat the shit out of me for being a spic. . .

Timothy: And my teammates beat the shit out of me because I’m a fag. . .

Raven: And I beat the shit out of myself for being so goddamned conventional. . .

Pierre: And I beat the shit out of my countrymen for being such pussies. . .

Timothy: But we’re all alive and living two sides of the same coin!

Jose: Yeah, esse, I can see two different ways of looking at life!

Raven: It makes us more open-minded and accepting.

Pierre: So what if some shit gets kicked around? We’re happy with ourselves and we’re happy with who our friends are.

Timothy: Can you say the same, Little Miss Trendy Stuck-Up. . .

Jose: . . . Impure Racist. . .

Pierre: . . . Cowardly American. . .

Raven: . . . Cracker-Ass Prom Queen?

Alyssa: Well, no. . . I guess I never thought of it like that. However, I’m not a stereotype! No matter how open-minded you say you are, you’re still living within the confines of a derogatory lifestyle others ignorantly believe you live!

Pierre: Who said stereotypes are always bad? I like wine and cheese, but I also like competition and Americans. . .

Timothy: And I like football and getting lots of pussy! And ass. . . Okay, lots of ass. . .

Jose: And I like kicking the shit out of Jews and blacks, then blaming myself for the intolerance inherent in society. . .

Raven: And I like to sleep with a lot of girls, then write depressing poetry about it. . .

All: But we don’t let it control our lives!

Raven: Our stereotypes cancel each other out.

Jose: The end result is a balanced view of life.

Timothy: We know who we are, and we love each other for it.

Jose: Going back to my original question, I think I know what you are now. . .

Everybody begins to circle around Alyssa

Raven: You try and spread a message of acceptance and diversity. . .

Pierre: But only when we abandon who we truly are.

Timothy: You, ma’am, are a closed-minded humanitarian!

All: Welcome to the club!



A Day at Stereotype High School:
[Part One: The Norm] [Part Two: Acceptance]

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