A Day at Stereotype High School
Part Two: Acceptance
Scene opens with Raven, Jose, Timothy and Pierre staring expectantly at a nervous Alyssa. There is a tense silence before Jose speaks.
Jose: And what exactly are you?
Jose: What are you, chica?
Alyssa: Im not exactly sure what you mean, Mr. . .
Jose: Call me Joe C. All my Aryan brothers do.
Alyssa: Your what?
Jose: My white brothers! The brotherhood! Aint you never heard of white pride before, holmes?
Timothy: Whoa, give the babe some room, Jose. . .
Jose: Bitch, Im gonna cut you up! How many times I gots to tell you, its Joe C!
Pierre: Jose, Joe C, Josie, Jack Off, it does not matter what we call you. You will always respond the same.
Raven: Whoa! Settle the fuck down, everybody! We got a beautiful new guest among us, we need to show her a good time. Otherwise Ill cast a chant to make Satan eat your souls.
Alyssa: Wait, excuse me, but what the Hell is going on around here? Did I walk in at a bad time?
Timothy sidles up next to Alyssa and begins to put the (very flamingly gay) moves on her.
Timothy: No baby, its just a regular day here, dont worry about it. Hey, you want me to show you around after school?
Jose: Man, she aint buying, Timmy boy!
Timothy: Hey, leave me alone, you cant fault a guy for trying. Do you know the last time I actually got some?
Pierre: Are we talking straight, or up the ass?
Raven: Oh, snap, bitch!
Frustrated, Alyssa singles out Raven and tries to talk with him alone. The others gather around them to listen in.
Alyssa: You, whats up with you?
Raven: Why are you talking to me, preppie?
Alyssa: Whats with how you talk?
Raven: Girl, I aint know nothing bout what chu talkin about.
Alyssa: See? Right there! Youre always going from some big ghetto gangster talk to this whiny, depressed gothic stuff! What are you? A gangster or a goth?
Raven looks at the others for a second and they share a quizzical look amongst themselves. After several seconds of confusion, Ravens face lights up in understanding.
Alyssa: Both? How? Those are two completely contradictory stereotypes! And you (Pointing to Timothy), are you gay, or a jock? And you, the guy with the name, youre Hispanic, and yet youre a white supremacist! And youre just French!
Pierre: How dare you!
Jose: Well, duh! Havent you noticed, girl? Youre at Stereotype High School!
Timothy: Home of the Flamboyantly Ethnic Racist Aggressive Depressed Athletic Nationalistic Jigaboos!
Alyssa: So youre all stereotypes, I got that, but two stereotypes? Not to mention, two stereotypes that dont go along at all!
Raven: Begging your pardon, you close-minded, mainstream, conformist cracka ass ho, but anything can go along when you want it to. All it takes is some determination and open-mindedness.
Alyssa: But you. . .
Raven: Me? Just watch me make it work:
My name is Raven, you can call me Ray
Im cuttin and pimpin most everyday
You aint never seen a playa this darkly dressed
But pimpin hoes makes me depressed
The blood on my wrists is right in place
Like a bruise on my bitch when I smack her face
Im a hard motherfucker, word, I dont lie
Spinnin Eminem and A.F.I.
So best check yoself befo you wreck yoself
I gots love for my peoples but I hate myself
You could find me in bed with a fine ass ho
Or reading Edgar Allan Poe
Im a black-hearted killer with a long-ass staff
I could cut either one of us in half
So remember next time before you speak
Im a mad ghetto goth, youre just plain weak
Word dawg, Im such a corporate whore
Raven begins to beat box while cutting himself to the rhythm before Alyssa stops him
Alyssa: Stop it! This is what you do everyday just to keep your two stereotypical lives alive?
Raven: Well, shit, yeah.
Alyssa: And the rest of you?
Jose: Well, yeah, of course. I mean, my Aryan brothers beat the shit out of me for being a spic. . .
Timothy: And my teammates beat the shit out of me because Im a fag. . .
Raven: And I beat the shit out of myself for being so goddamned conventional. . .
Pierre: And I beat the shit out of my countrymen for being such pussies. . .
Timothy: But were all alive and living two sides of the same coin!
Jose: Yeah, esse, I can see two different ways of looking at life!
Raven: It makes us more open-minded and accepting.
Pierre: So what if some shit gets kicked around? Were happy with ourselves and were happy with who our friends are.
Timothy: Can you say the same, Little Miss Trendy Stuck-Up. . .
Jose: . . . Impure Racist. . .
Pierre: . . . Cowardly American. . .
Raven: . . . Cracker-Ass Prom Queen?
Alyssa: Well, no. . . I guess I never thought of it like that. However, Im not a stereotype! No matter how open-minded you say you are, youre still living within the confines of a derogatory lifestyle others ignorantly believe you live!
Pierre: Who said stereotypes are always bad? I like wine and cheese, but I also like competition and Americans. . .
Timothy: And I like football and getting lots of pussy! And ass. . . Okay, lots of ass. . .
Jose: And I like kicking the shit out of Jews and blacks, then blaming myself for the intolerance inherent in society. . .
Raven: And I like to sleep with a lot of girls, then write depressing poetry about it. . .
All: But we dont let it control our lives!
Raven: Our stereotypes cancel each other out.
Jose: The end result is a balanced view of life.
Timothy: We know who we are, and we love each other for it.
Jose: Going back to my original question, I think I know what you are now. . .
Everybody begins to circle around Alyssa
Raven: You try and spread a message of acceptance and diversity. . .
Pierre: But only when we abandon who we truly are.
Timothy: You, maam, are a closed-minded humanitarian!
All: Welcome to the club!
Performed by Matt Perry, Troy Iverson, Aubrey Miller, Joe Schermann, Megan Garvey.