Huey and Jerry

By Sean Nitchmann

 

Huey: Nerdy accountant

Huey’s Mother: Voice from offstage

Rick and Steph: Couple meeting on the ledge for excitement

Jerry: The spirit of Jerry Garcia

 

[Huey sidesteps out, facing the wall backstage, sidestepping as if on a building ledge. He laboriously turns to face the audience at center stage. He is preparing himself to jump from the ledge. He is scared and unsure.]

 

[Lights bright enough to illuminate backstage wall]

 

[Lights up]

 

                        Huey

I … I can’t do this. I can’t go through with it. But I must … There is nothing to stop me. There are no reasons left for me to remain in this world. My company’s bankrupt. The CEO was led away in handcuffs. I’ve worked there for so long. That company was my life. All of my friends were in that company. Now I’ll never see them again. I’m broke, I have no job, I’m alone …

 

                        Huey’s Mother

Huuu-eyyyy 

 

                        Huey

And I’m 36 and living with my Mother.

 

                        Huey’s Mother

Huey, where are you?

 

                        Huey

I’m on the ledge Ma! I’m going to jump!

 

[extended pause]

 

                        Huey’s Mother

But you haven’t finished your supper.

 

                        Huey

Ahhh! Ma, leave me alone, I don’t care anymore!

 

[Enter Rick and Steph from opposite sides of the stage. They are inching along the backstage wall facing the audience as if on a ledge. Huey doesn’t notice them.]

 

                        Huey’s Mother

I’ll put it in the fridge for you, you can have it later.

 

                        Huey

You do that, Ma! [Quieter, to himself] It’ll just go bad, like everything else in my life.

 

                        Rick

Steph!

 

                        Steph

Rick!

 

                        Rick

I’ve missed you babe, I couldn’t wait to see you here.

 

                        Steph

Oh, Rick.

 

                        Rick

Dude, you’re about to be the middle of a love sandwich

 

                        Huey

Don’t try to stop me, I’m going to jump! There’s nothing you can say to change my mind.

 

                        Rick

Whatever man, just get out of the way. Steph and I came up here to have sex.

 

                        Huey

What? That’s insane. Why would you want to do that?

 

[Exchange between Rick and Steph should be very rapid]

 

                        Steph

It’s called extreme coitus.

 

                        Rick

We’re living life on the edge, dude. Thrills and chills.

 

                        Steph

And if we go down, we go down satisfied.

 

                        Rick

I’ve got a burning desire.

 

                        Steph

I’ve got fire in my soul.

 

                        Rick

I’ve got an insatiable appetite.

 

                        Steph

A yearning.

 

                        Rick

Our love doesn’t need a safety net. 

                        Steph

We’ve got a powerful love.

 

                        Rick

Come on baby, let’s do it!

 

 

[Rick and Steph go at each other almost knocking Huey off the ledge. Jerry walks on to center stage]

 

                        Jerry

Hey, easy there.

 

                        Rick

Whoa, dude, you’re floating in mid air. How do you do that?

 

                        Jerry

Yeah, man. Flying high. Best thing about this gig.

 

                        Huey

You seem familiar. I know that voice, who are you?

 

                        Jerry

I’m Jerry Garcia, man. Or at least I was. Now I’m the spirit of Jerry Garcia, and you’re having a vision.

 

                        Steph

Hey, teach us how to fly like that.

 

                        Jerry

Not now man, I’m here on a mission. I’ve been sent to save this guy.

 

                        Huey

I’m going to be saved by … Jerry Garcia?

 

                        Jerry

Don’t laugh man, in about a hundred years I’m going to be canonized. I’m going to be Saint Jerry, patron saint of the under indulgers.

 

                        Huey

I don’t believe this.

 

                        Jerry

Believe it man, Believe it. Now, step off that ledge.

 

                        Huey

I … I can’t.

 

                        Jerry

Hey, that’s what you came up here for, isn’t it? Step off the ledge.

 

                        Rick

Go for it dude.

 

[Rick pushes Huey]

 

                        Huey

Whoa … Wow, I’m floating. This is great.

 

 

                        Rick

Hey, it’s our turn.

 

                        Jerry

Don’t worry, you’ll get your miracle. Three years from now. Bungee jumping in New Zealand.

 

                        Huey

Wow, This is incredible.

 

                        Jerry

That’s it dude, let yourself go. You’re going to take this experience with you. Say hello to your new life.

 

                        Huey

Yes! I feel great! Thank you Jerry.

 

                        Jerry

You’re all right, man. Now, close your eyes and say the magic words that I’m putting in your head.

 

[Lights dim to only a spotlight on Huey center stage. Jerry makes a gesture with his hands, putting the words in Huey’s mind and backs out of the spotlight]

 

                        Jerry

 [Trailing off] Keep on truckin man …

 

                        Huey

What a long strange trip it’s been. What a long … [Three times]

 

[Huey finds a pair of sunglasses in his shirt pocket that weren’t there before and puts them on]

 

                        Huey

Far out.

 

[Lights out]