copyright © 2002 Sean Nitchmann

Huey and Jerry

By Sean Nitchmann

 

Huey: Nerdy accountant

Hueyís Mother: Voice from offstage

Rick and Steph: Couple meeting on the ledge for excitement

Jerry: The spirit of Jerry Garcia

 

[Huey sidesteps out, facing the wall backstage, sidestepping as if on a building ledge. He laboriously turns to face the audience at center stage. He is preparing himself to jump from the ledge. He is scared and unsure.]

 

[Lights bright enough to illuminate backstage wall]

 

[Lights up]

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

I Ö I canít do this. I canít go through with it. But I must Ö There is nothing to stop me. There are no reasons left for me to remain in this world. My companyís bankrupt. The CEO was led away in handcuffs. Iíve worked there for so long. That company was my life. All of my friends were in that company. Now Iíll never see them again. Iím broke, I have no job, Iím alone Ö

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Hueyís Mother

Huuu-eyyyy

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

And Iím 36 and living with my Mother.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Hueyís Mother

Huey, where are you?

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

Iím on the ledge Ma! Iím going to jump!

 

[extended pause]

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Hueyís Mother

But you havenít finished your supper.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

Ahhh! Ma, leave me alone, I donít care anymore!

 

[Enter Rick and Steph from opposite sides of the stage. They are inching along the backstage wall facing the audience as if on a ledge. Huey doesnít notice them.]

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Hueyís Mother

Iíll put it in the fridge for you, you can have it later.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

You do that, Ma! [Quieter, to himself] Itíll just go bad, like everything else in my life.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Steph!

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Steph

Rick!

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Iíve missed you babe, I couldnít wait to see you here.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Steph

Oh, Rick.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Dude, youíre about to be the middle of a love sandwich

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

Donít try to stop me, Iím going to jump! Thereís nothing you can say to change my mind.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Whatever man, just get out of the way. Steph and I came up here to have sex.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

What? Thatís insane. Why would you want to do that?

 

[Exchange between Rick and Steph should be very rapid]

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Steph

Itís called extreme coitus.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Weíre living life on the edge, dude. Thrills and chills.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Steph

And if we go down, we go down satisfied.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Iíve got a burning desire.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Steph

Iíve got fire in my soul.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Iíve got an insatiable appetite.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Steph

A yearning.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Our love doesnít need a safety net.

††††††††††††††††††††††† Steph

Weíve got a powerful love.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Come on baby, letís do it!

 

 

[Rick and Steph go at each other almost knocking Huey off the ledge. Jerry walks on to center stage]

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

Hey, easy there.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Whoa, dude, youíre floating in mid air. How do you do that?

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

Yeah, man. Flying high. Best thing about this gig.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

You seem familiar. I know that voice, who are you?

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

Iím Jerry Garcia, man. Or at least I was. Now Iím the spirit of Jerry Garcia, and youíre having a vision.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Steph

Hey, teach us how to fly like that.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

Not now man, Iím here on a mission. Iíve been sent to save this guy.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

Iím going to be saved by Ö Jerry Garcia?

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

Donít laugh man, in about a hundred years Iím going to be canonized. Iím going to be Saint Jerry, patron saint of the under indulgers.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

I donít believe this.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

Believe it man, Believe it. Now, step off that ledge.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

I Ö I canít.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

Hey, thatís what you came up here for, isnít it? Step off the ledge.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Go for it dude.

 

[Rick pushes Huey]

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

Whoa Ö Wow, Iím floating. This is great.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Rick

Hey, itís our turn.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

Donít worry, youíll get your miracle. Three years from now. Bungee jumping in New Zealand.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

Wow, This is incredible.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

Thatís it dude, let yourself go. Youíre going to take this experience with you. Say hello to your new life.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

Yes! I feel great! Thank you Jerry.

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

Youíre all right, man. Now, close your eyes and say the magic words that Iím putting in your head.

 

[Lights dim to only a spotlight on Huey center stage. Jerry makes a gesture with his hands, putting the words in Hueyís mind and backs out of the spotlight]

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Jerry

[Trailing off] Keep on truckin man Ö

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

What a long strange trip itís been. What a long Ö [Three times]

 

[Huey finds a pair of sunglasses in his shirt pocket that werenít there before and puts them on]

 

††††††††††††††††††††††† Huey

Far out.

 

[Lights out]

 

"Huey and Jerry" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

"Huey and Jerry" debuted August 16, 2002, performed by Sean Nitchmann, Leeyanne Moore, Erin Fleck, Tucker Duncan and Clinton Johnston.

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