copyright © 1991

      ANNOUNCER
Who is this Person? What is this situation? Why is the thing happening happening? Hmmmmmmmmmm. All of these questions will be answered when we enter the epic tale of---- EGGA and FERD's Scavenger HUNT!! Part 1---The Chance Meeting and what it meant....................

      EGGA
Oh ohoohohhhohhh! I have to find so many things! Let me check the list again. (takes out list) Hmmmmm. Number one. Purple Pancake Pie!! Number two. Hunan Rock Chicken Chow Souie!! Ohhhh!!
(stops running)
Poopie poopie poo!! My name is EGGA. You all out sitting out there looking at me there must think, "Oh a little scavenger hunt! I remember when I was in one of those things and we had to find a two by four and a pet rock and a bucket of grapes." Yah. How wonderful.
How hard. But that was not what this is. That is not what this is at all. Far from it. This is......This is a SCAVENGER HUNT TO SAVE THE WORLD!!!!!!! You see, I was given this list of scavenger by an ancient creature called the hullafingafoouinghungareewquiedfa, and then----
(enter FERD with piano) (He plays it alla time)

      FERD
Hey there! Whatcha doin?

      EGGA
Who are you? And what is that?

      FERD
My name is FERD. This is a piano. I play it alla time. Weeeeeeeeee.

      EGGA
Well, I have no time for that. I've got to complete this here hunt for many various objects or the world will be destroyed!!

      FERD
Yow! This is serious! I have had to do that before, and let me tell you, it's pretty serious.

      EGGA
Great! My name is EGGA! You can help me!

      FERD
You bet!

      EGGA
Lets go!

      FERD
Okay!

      EGGA
Wait........

      FERD
What?

      EGGA
Oh, nothing.

(EGGA and FERD run in place out towards the audience.)
(FERD plays the running music)

      EGGA
Hey! The Arabian desert!! Lets see if we can find anything there!

      FERD
And how!
(they stop and ask SHEIK POIDA some questions!!)

      EGGA
Hey there!! Old man of the windy windy windy desert and rocks!!

      FERD
Yeah! You!!

      SHEIK POIDA
What do you want. I am a lowly sheik and stuff. SHEIK POIDA is my name. Leave me alone so I can ponder.

      EGGA
Do you know where we can find (consults list) Item #3---A Golfing Tugga Snugga Flu Boat Raft???

      FERD
Seen one? Aye? Have Ya?

      SHEIK POIDA
I........I.......Um, no, I have never seen one of those. Not even behind that rock there.

      EGGA
Wait. Somthing is weird......

      FERD
What is weird?

      EGGA
Somthing.

      SHEIK POIDA
Get on with it!!

      EGGA
Liar!! I have encountered deception before!! I will check behind the rock!!

      FERD
You know, IT COULD BE A TRAP. I have seen those, too. Those hurt.

      EGGA
Ah ha!! It's AHHHHHHHHHHHHHA (general wigging out all over the place)

      FERD
WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (general wigging out w/ piano)

      SHEIK POIDA
Now we have you, EGGA and FERD!!!!!! We will take you to the cave of the holder of evil! The madman! The..............

(ALL FREEZE)

      ANNOUNCER
What will happen to EGGA and FERD? Will the SCAVENGER HUNT ever be completed? WILL THE WORLD BE DESTROYED? NO! For now is the time for EGGA AND FERD'S SCAVENGER HUNT: Part 3........The somethin weird and what it was.

(They unfreeze)

     EGGA
Hey! You are not the regular announcer guy! You are an imposter!

      FERD
Yeah!!

      ANNOUNCER
You are right FERD. I am not the real announcer. (gets on stage) I am Brett Neveu. The creator of the characters EGGA and FERD.

      SHEIK
Ahem!

      BRETT
Oh, yes, and you too SHEIK POIDA.

      SHEIK
DAMN RIGHT!

      BRETT
I am here mostly to tell you guys what you have really been searching for in part 1 and 2. What you guys have been questing for.

      EGGA
(consulting list--) Number 67: The Yowda Ripper Turnip?

      FERD
That? Naw, it couldn't be that!

      BRETT
No, actually, it wasn't that. The reason why part 3 came so late in the semester. You guys weren't looking for things, you were looking for a spirit. Christmas spirit.
(FERD BEGINS TO PLAY SOMTHING LIKE A CHIRSTMAS CAROL)

      BRETT
The love, the caring, the compassion that goes along with this special holiday. The warmth and wonder of the season.

      EGGA
Brett's right. (he throws down list) Christmas is what we have been looking for all along, but we just didn't know it.

      FERD
Now we do.

(EGGA, FERD and BRETT all hum with the carol. They invite the audience to participate.)

(this goes on for awhile)

(suddenly, SHEIK POIDA screams and stabs and kills EGGA, FERD, AND BRETT. She waits until all are dead then says these things:)

      SHEIK POIDA
And tune in next time and hear SHEIK POIDA say: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

(she plays bad notes on the piano)

      SHEIK POIDA
BLACKOUT, ASSHOLE!

      blackout......................rrrrrr

"Egga and Ferd's Scavenger Hunt #3" debuted December 13, 1991 at Best of No Shame. Performed by Eric Johnson, Doug Stekel, Rebecca Gilman, JC Luxton, and Brett Neveu.

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