copyright © 2002 Lee Moyer

Give Space A Chance

Performed by Greg Hays and Lee Moyer 3/1/02

Written February14-26 by Lee Moyer



Blue Text is Greg’s

Black Text is Lee’s

[Lights up on Greg and Lee behind two podia]

My friend Greg and I are here tonight to talk to you about… Power.

Specifically, the raw power of nothing.

Physicists today wrestle with the problem of missing matter in the universe.

They tell us the universe is made from a LOT of nothing.

I guess that’s why they call it space.

We start our lives with nothing and return to nothing again.

The Arabs popularized the Zero as a symbol to represent nothing.

The profundity of Nothingness

The pause that refreshes

The silence

The pregnant pause

The empty space… It gets NO respect. Certainly not in American schools.

Everyone memorizes the alphabet as kids. Heck there’s even a jaunty little song on the subject. But no one cares about the space.

Not like the other letters of the alphabet.

Letterman was the hero of my youth. Remember Letterman?

You mean David Letterman?

No. LETTER man. He was on the Electric Company.

Ah, the show for those kids who thought Sesame Street wasn’t quite edgy enough. Educational, but hip…

Right. Letterman was an amazing character. He could turn wine into Twine, or Whine, or whatever he needed at the time. He was so cool (and he spoke with Willy Wonka’s voice which is really cool too...).

I always liked Silent E.

Silent E was right there too. Absolutely.

Who can turn a cub into a cube?

Who can turn a tub into a tube?

It's elementary- For Silent E.

But though we love these characters from our youths, there was never a Spaceman, and we never learned to appreciate the power of space when we were children. My stoner roomates used to tell me; "Space is awesome, man. Really awesome".


Why without the proper spaces, Greg might say to me:

"Why, what a SUPERB owl."

And I’d never know he was a big New England Patriots fan trying to talk about the Superbowl. Superb Owl, Superbowl. All the difference in the world…

Without proper spacing, Lee might say:

"I think I need to see the Rapists because I’m Code Pendant"

And I’d wonder if he was on crack.

But of course he meant to say "Therapists" and "Codependant"

But the real importance of spaces became clear when the first double features started to appear. And without Spaces, all capitalized movie titles blur, one to the next.

Now, a quick history of some of those Double Features:

The Sand Pebbles On the Beach

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? The Russians are Coming.

The Bride Wore Black and Selected Shorts.

Goodbye Columbus, Hello Dolly

The 3 Faces of Eve: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

What did you do in the war, Daddy? I Was a Male War Bride

Psycho Stepmom

Thelma and Louise; Dead Again

Hanna and her Sisters Extremities.

Stop or My Mother Will Shoot JFK.

Someone To Watch Over Me Raising Arizona

Godzilla The Prince of Egypt

Benny and Joon Free Willy

Big Daddy Tarzan

Pitch Black Shaft

Chocolat; What Women Want


Adventures in Babysitting The Witches of Eastwick

There’s Something about Mary Saving Private Ryan

All the Pretty Horses Blow

That Thing You Do Bound

Starship Troopers’ Private Parts

What Lies Beneath Erin Brockovich

And the Triple Features:

Men in Black Mimic The Postman

Batman & Robin Contact George of the Jungle

And the Quadruple Feature.

Pokemon: The Bachelor, The Best Man, The Bone Collector

Thank you. You’ve been a kind audience.

(Both step to the right of the podium and bow, right hand open on chest)





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