www.leemoyer.com

Written December 12 & 13, 2001

Performed 12/14/01 with the surprised participation Greg Hays

I need help for this piece. And I just realized that my fond hopes have been realized and that Greg is in the crowd. (walk over to his seat) Greg, would you be so good as to lend your voice to the cause?

Excellent…

(Greg comes onstage and stands behind the second podium)

(To Greg, ignoring the audience): You are red. There’s a tricky bit here (indicates the exchange after Pudgy Parcheesi). And the blue at the end is both of us in unison. It’ll be great.

(To the Audience again): Years ago in Florida I sat down and talked with noted author and curmudgeon Kurt Vonnegut- Author of Slaughterhouse Five, Cat’s Cradle, and other light classics. I found myself amazed by what he told me:

"I don’t write science fiction anymore. Why bother? There’s no point. I mean it’s only a small and probably stupid idea to begin with. Why waste my time and your time making a book that’ll take 250 pages to get to a damn punchline? Life’s too short."

As someone who had recently enjoyed Cat’s Cradle, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Was he trying to goad me into flattery?

No. He was telling me the truth, and as I get get older, it makes more and more sense to me.

Aren’t we all tired of: " Didja ever wonder why… " And: "It really bugs me when…." and all the other lame stand-up intros? Haven’t we seen enough of those? Kurt Vonnegut wrote his later science fiction novels down as single sentences on napkins at parties.

So inspired was I by this advice, that I’ve decided to follow it.

It goes like this:

[Beat]

[Beat]

Madonna