Meddler (approaches Job, stands up stage left) Hello, my name is Mary Meddler, I am a representative of...(Turns back; stands arms akimbo to show "Metro Team" written on back. Freezing in place cues the chorus, say it like "Superman!")

Chorus Metro Team!!

Meddler (Turns to JOB; smiles with satisfaction) You can call me Meddler. Is that your trash receptacle?

JOB Why yes it is. This is my new house and my son Brock Lee. How can I help you?

Meddler Your trash receptacle is in violation of Code Three One Seven: No trash receptacle shall be put out 12 hours before pickup. I'm afraid I'll have to cite you for this violation sir. ("writes" on clipboard as Brock, without drawing attention to himself, quietly exits with trash can and reenters with a paint brush and paint can to paint stage wall as dialogue continues in foreground).

JOB You can’t write tickets without any warning. I just moved in!

Meddler Sir, this address has received not 1 but 2 previous violation warnings.

JOB But I just bought this house today!

Meddler Ignorance of a warning is no excuse sir.

Meddler Son, cease what you're doing, the board has not approved those colors.

JOB Now what are you talking about?

Meddler Your son is obviously using non-Board approved colors. On Monday you can go before the Board and have your colors approved.

(Brock exits stage right and reenters with a small folding card table and flips cardboard sign down that reads "yard sale").

JOB So, you're telling me I must have my colors on my house approved?

Meddler Yes sir, you can get your colors approved by the board on Monday, and then on Tuesday you can apply for a permit to apply those colors, to your house, by brush, using board approved ladders, on weekends only.

JOB Ohh-kayy...how long does it take for approval?

Meddler Usually seven weeks sir.

JOB Seven weeks usually !?

Meddler (Points at Brock) He can't do that sir.

JOB Do what?

Meddler Have a yard sale without a permit. I’ll have to cite you.

JOB Brock Lee hold on; Apparently you're breaking the law. (Brock exits stage right with table) Now, Meddler, are you telling me (exasperated grimace) I can't even have a garage sale?

Meddler Not without a permit and only once a year. Yard sale permits are issued on Wednesdays.

Meddler (points) Sir, you are only allowed one boat on your property and it must be in the backyard.

JOB That's fine, I only have one boat and it is in the backyard.

Meddler Sir, your boats, both of them, are in the backyard. I will give you one week to get rid of one of them. The fines begin at $100 a day and go up from there.

JOB What are you talking about!? I have one motorboat and one small canoe.

Meddler And that makes two, sir.

JOB A canoe is not a boat!

Meddler Sir, if it floats, it's a boat.

JOB Well, shit floats. It that a boat?

Meddler (The patient civil servant ignores JOB) Applications for Marine Exemptions may be presented to the board on Thursdays.

JOB Why can't I just do everything on Monday?

Meddler Because sir, Monday is for color approval, Tuesday is for painting permits, Wednesday is for yard sales, and Thursday is for marine exemptions.

Meddler Sir, there are no horses allowed in this neighborhood sir.

JOB That's not a horse! That's my dog Marmaduke!

Meddler Any animal over three feet tall is considered a horse and must be kept in a stable (Lets tape roll up with a "snap"). This is not zoned farmland, there are no stables allowed and therefore no horses. If you want to argue your case, Horse court is held on Fridays.

JOB So, let me get this straight, you're telling me that Monday is for color approval, Tuesday is for painting permits, Wednesday is for yard sales, Thursday is for marine exemptions, and Friday is Horse court. That's my entire week!

Meddler (Big smile) That is correct sir!

(Katie enters from stage right a smiling glad handing politician; stands between Meddler and JOB.)

Katie Hi Meddler, how's it going?

Meddler Just enjoying… ahem…I mean, doing my job Mam.(hearty handshakes slaps on back.)

Katie (Turns to JOB) How are you doing sir? (Speaks to audience from now on) I'm Katie So-So-Then, and I am on the board. Vote for me!

JOB Well Katie, since you are on this mysterious board maybe you can help me. I seem to be having a slight problem with the Merry Meddler here.

Katie I would love to help you but, you see, I was just elected last week and I'm campaigning for the next election. That's my job now. Come down and speak to the board and (in a louder voice, smiling, to audience) We'll See What We Can Do!

JOB But...

Katie (Smiles at Job, walks off, hearty wave and smile to audience) Remember, vote for Katie So-So-Then, and (slightly louder) We'll See What We Can Do!

Meddler Well, it looks like you have a full week and a lot of bills to pay. Have a good day sir.

JOB (To audience as he turns For Sale sign to front) There is no way I am paying any fines.

Meddler (yells from off stage left) Sir! You must remember two things..

JOB (turns left, yells back) Yes, Meddler, what's that?

Meddler Resistance is futile!

JOB Alright. What's the other thing?

Meddler Your sign is too big…take it down!

(Job looks at sign he just replaced in stand)

JOB …Damn…!