Smurfette - The E! True Hollywood Story
Cast of Characters
Papa "Pimp Daddy" Smurf
Screen projector for taped introductions, segues and such. One stool where the interviewed Smurf sits.
(Play altered version of the E! True Hollywood Story to match Smurfette theme.)
(Show montage of Smurf pictures to go with the dialogue)
In 1981, the celebrated cartoon duo Hanna & Barbera had started work on a successful TV series for the NBC network in the USA. But by 1987 after 256 episodes, Americans decided they were no longer interested in the exploits of the little blue French men and production stopped.
Here I was, a classically trained Shakespearean actress coming out of a successful run as the star of a highly popular show and I wasn't getting any smurfing call backs.
(Introduces clip of Brainy Smurf)
Long time costar, Brainy Smurf.
I told Smurfette there weren't any roles for 2-inch high blue women, but did she listen to me? Nooooo! Like Papa Smurf always says
(Clip of Brainy Smurf being sent flying out of the studio. After a pause, show reenactments matching narrator dialogue.)
The stress of unemployment took its toll. Within a year of her series' conclusion, Smurfette was drinking a fifth of Smurfberry Punch a day. Her life was spiraling out of control. After a failed suicide attempt, Smurfette turned to the one Smurf she always thought she could trust, Papa Smurf. It would prove to be one of the biggest mistakes of her life.
She found him dealing "magic herbs." Always very persuasive, Papa Pimp Daddy Smurf as he was now called talked her into a life of drugs and, subsequently, prostitution.
(Puffs on his cigar)
Yeah well even back when we were in the Village, everyone knew he was into trippin the light smurftastic. She may claim to be all innocent and naive but that girl made the rounds. I mean really come on 100 men in the Village and just 1 Smurfette. Even if you take into account Harmony and the other
(Quotes with fingers)
happy bois. Im not implying nothing mind you. Just some speculization is all.
(Like he is being pressed to share more information. Leans in toward the audience.)
Alright, between you, me and the mushrooms, she was a smurfin tease. Youd be sitting there and shed smurf on your smurf a bit. But then, just when you thought shed deliver the goods, she smurfin froze up, the smurfin smurf. "Oh Im not that kind of smurf." Yeah right. And there I was, stuck with the worse case of smurfin blue balls.
And Papa Pimp Daddy? He knew he hit pay dirt when she came sniffing around. A lot of Smurfs were willing to pay top dollar for a little of the blue pootang, if you know what Im saying.
Her life continued on its downward slide.
You wouldn't believe what you'll do just to get that next high. I did whatever I was asked. I even let them smurf me in my smurfing smurf. In fact I was smurfed in every smurf you can imagine.
(She cries hysterically)
I didnt think it could get any worse.
(Play one of the E! True Hollywood Stories segues.)
When we return, things get worse.