copyright © 2002 H.B. McGrew

The Wild Mom

 

Cast of Characters

Avery A "Crocodile Hunter" type

Setting

A living room

 

Avery

Hark! Observe my mom in her natural environment! Quietly we approach this wild creature.

(Creep forward.)

Quietly now! We don’t want her to hear us. Riling my mom can be dangerous business!

(Continue to sneak forward and pretend to move "bushes" aside.)

Do not be fooled by her slow, early morning pre-caffeine movements! Even at this time of day, she can be quick and deadly!

(More sneaky type movements in an attempt to view Mom better)

While most animals in nature bathe, for my Mom, this is only the beginning of a complicated and bewildering ritual.

(Pretend to hide. Then whisper.)

Mom has just entered her sleeping chamber. If you listen carefully, you can hear her struggling. What is she fighting in there? We dare not approach the opening for fear of discovery.

(Pause and then act as though you just realized the answer. Back to normal voice.)

Of course! As you can see, she now dons her ceremonial robes. It appears to be what is known as a suit! This means she is getting ready for her job. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a job apparently defines a mom’s position within the tribe.

Brilliant!

And look! She is now in what is known as "the bathroom"! Mom is arranging her hair into interesting shapes using goop and heat.

Fascinating!

As you can see, she is following this portion of the ritual with the application a sort of war paint the experts refer to as "make-up." This is worn in part to attract a mate although this particular Mom has been without a mate since she left the last one known as my Dad.

(Look down at a pretend watch.)

All told, Mom spends an hour and a half on her morning ritual. Why does she go through this day after day? Experts have been asking this same question for years and are still baffled.

(Pretend to hear mom approaching. Scamper to hide.)

Apparently, we are out of time! Join us next time as we take an in depth look at my Dad!

"The Wild Mom" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

"The Wild Mom" debuted August 21, 2002, performed by Avery Chester.

Performed January 17-19, 2003 by Avery Chester.


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