copyright © 2004 Scott McGee
manning the real front line
by Scott McGee
STEVE and GAIL enter carrying blankets and a couple of chairs. They talk as they set up their "campsite".
Gail
Steve, let's stop here. This should be a great spot to watch the parade.
Steve
Sweet. This is gonna rock.
GAIL
We'll see all the floats perfectly.
STEVE
Trojans rule!!!
GAIL
GO USC!!!
STEVE
USC!!!
GAIL
I've never camped out at the parade route before.
STEVE
Me either. This is gonna be slammin'!!!
GAIL
Look at those guys over there.
STEVE
Where?
GAIL
Right over there. Blue sweatshirts.
STEVE
Fuckin' Michigan fans.
GAIL
Yep.
STEVE
Michigan fans. They can't camp out here. This is our backyard. HEY! THIS IS OUR BACKYARD! YEAH, YOU!
GAIL
YEAH! THIS IS PASADENA!
STEVE
Gail, they fuckin' know its Pasadena.
GAIL
Fuck you. They're from Michigan.
STEVE
Yeah. HEY, WOLVERINE FANS!!! THIS IS PASADENA, MOTHERFUCKERS!
OFFSTAGE fANS
We know.
STEVE
Fuck. I told you...
GAIL
Shutup - FUCK YOU GUYS!! THIS IS OUR BACKYARD!
STEVE
YEAH IT IS!!! FUCK YOU GUYS! FUCKIN' MICHIGAN FANS! FUCK YOU!
GAIL
FUCK YOU! USC ROCKS!
STEVE
TROJANS ROCK MOTHERFUCKERS!
GAIL
TROOOOOOOOJAAAAAANSSSSS!!!
STEVE
THAT'S RIGHT!!! FUCK THE WOLVERINES! TROJANS RULE! IT'S THE ROSE BOWL, BABY! MOVE ALONG!!!
GAIL
TROOOOOOOJAAAAAANSSSSS!!!!
STEVE
MOVE ALONG, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
GAIL
They're moving.
STEVE
Fuckin' A, they're moving.
Gail
USC!!!
STEVE
THAT'S RIGHT, WOLVERINES! MOVE THE FUCK ALONG!!! WE'RE GONNA KICK YOUR ASS TOMORROW!!! HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR!!!
OFFSTAGE FANS
Fuck you.
STEVE
Fucking Michigan fans in our back yard.
GAIL
Yeah, they're so obnoxious.
STEVE
No shit.
GAIL
Okay, I think we're good to go.
STEVE
Cool. This is awesome.
GAIL
Yeah. I can't believe we are gonna be right here on the front line.
STEVE
FRONT LINE, BABYEEEE!!!
GAIL
I hope we're gonna be warm enough.
STEVE
Fuck that. This is Pasadena. How fucking cold could it get. TROJANS RULE!!!
GAIL
TROOOOOOJAAAAAAANSSSS!!!!
Time passes. Sign says: "2 hours later". STEVE and GAIL look visibly colder. Huddle in blankets.
STEVE
Fuck, it's cold.
GAIL
Steve, I'm freezing.
STEVE
Yeah, but this is still cool. TROJANS RULE!!!
GAIL
TROOOOOOJAAAAAAANSSSS!!!!
Time passes. Sign says: "5 hours later. Happy New Year." STEVE and GAIL look really cold and miserable. They shake visibly.
STEVE
Happy New Year.
GAIL
Happy New Year.
STEVE
Fuck. TROJANS RULE!!!
GAIL
TROOOOOOJAAAAAAANSSSS!!!!
Time passes. Sign says: "4 hours later. 34 degrees." STEVE and GAIL look frozen and both moan with cold. They are shaking and hurting.
STEVE
(so very weakly) trojans...rule ...
GAIL
... trooooo... jaaaaan....ssss...
Homeless Harry stumbles on, he is wrapped in a blanket. He's not doing too bad. He walks over to the two and smiles. As he passes them he says.
Homeless harry
Welcome to my world, motherfuckers.
As he walks away, he stops turns around and yells at the couple.
HOMELESS HARRY
FUCK USC! MICHIGAN WOLVERIIIINES!!!
Quick Blackout
Copyright ã 2004 Scott McGee
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
STEVE: Brian Anderson
GAIL: Tory Seiter
OFFSTAGE FANS: Brett Webster
HOMELESS HARRY: Scott McGee
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