WOMAN
Why doesn’t she just leave?

MAN
I don’t know.

WOMAN
That’s so dumb.

MAN
I know.

WOMAN
It’s dark in there and she knows she’s gonna die.

MAN
I know.

WOMAN
This is stupid.

MAN
I guess.

WOMAN
Oh, what’s she doing...? Is she getting in there?

MAN
Yep.

WOMAN
No way. (yelling at screen) He’s in there waiting for you. Get the hell out!

MAN
Come on, now.

WOMAN
I don’t care. It’s stupid. It’s stupid for her to go in there. Nobody would do that. Nobody.

MAN
She did.

WOMAN
Well, she’s stupid and this movie is stupid. I hope she dies.

MAN
What?

WOMAN
I can’t root for her anymore. She’s retarded. I hope she gets killed. I hope he kills her and ruins the chance for a sequel. (yelling at the screen) Please kill this dumb bitch soon!

MAN
You’re harsh.

WOMAN
I’m pissed is what I am. This entire movie has been lame from the start. I can’t believe I paid full price for this.

MAN
You picked it.

WOMAN
I know. That’s what’s really pissing me off. The ads looked so good. I was hoping for a twist or something.

MAN
Oh yeah, like that other movie.

WOMAN
Yeah, that one where it turns out he’s really a ghost.

MAN
Yeah. Loved that one.

WOMAN
That was a good one.

MAN
What about that one where she’s really a guy?

WOMAN
Yeah. That one was great. What about the lady who’s a ghost and really killed her kids?

MAN
The two women drive the car over the cliff.

WOMAN
The gay army father shoots the guy having the affair with the high school chick.

MAN
That crazy guy gets smothered by the big Indian.

WOMAN
It was all just a big game that his brother bought for him.

MAN
The dog dies in the end but has puppies that look just like it.

WOMAN
Him and Brad Pitt are the same person!

MAN
Her hand comes out of the grave!

WOMAN
It’s the Statue of Liberty’s arm sticking out of the sand!

MAN
He gets caught and eviscerated and still wants freedom.

WOMAN
It’s really the Private they saved that’s visiting the graves.

MAN
His life was a dream that he bought while his body had been frozen after the accident.

WOMAN
The call girl ends up with the gorgeous millionaire.

MAN
The doctor was a robot put on board to collect the alien.

WOMAN
The father of the baby is really Satan.

MAN
Al Pacino is really Satan.

WOMAN
The gimpy one is Kizer Soze.

MAN
They both die in the chandelier.

WOMAN
He’s a pod person now too!

MAN
It’s the evil spirit narrating the movie.

WOMAN
He tricked himself into murdering that guy because he has no memory.

MAN
It takes the songs of whales to help get them home.

WOMAN
He escapes by pretending to be one of the hurt security guards.

MAN
They both get killed in that famous shootout.

WOMAN
She had the power to go home all along.

MAN
It was actually the name of his sled.

WOMAN
He finds that the world is much worse without him in it.

MAN
Darth Vader is really his father.

WOMAN
What?

MAN
What?

WOMAN
Darth Vader?

MAN
Yeah. He’s Luke’s dad.

WOMAN
Are you shittin’ me?

MAN
No.

WOMAN
You dick. You just totally ruined that movie for me.

MAN
What?

WOMAN
I’m kidding. Hey listen, I’m leaving.

MAN
What about the rest of the movie?

WOMAN
I know how it ends. I heard some couple talking about it while we were in line.

MAN
Really?

WOMAN
Yeah.

MAN
God. Some people.

WOMAN
Yeah.