The Dream Life of Frostie Cribbs

by Shannon McCormick (based on material supplied by Amy McCurdy)

FROSTIE CRIBBS:

Hey yo, people are always coming up to me and being like, "Hey yo, what’s it like to be Frostie Cribbs?" That’s my name see–Frostie Cribbs.

Yeah, so let Frostie tell you what it’s like to be Frostie Cribbs.

For most of my life I never had a pair of shoes that was over 15 dollars.

They were all from Goodwill or Payless. 

Then one day I saved

up $60 and bought my first pair of Shelltop adiddas.

They were black with white strips and white shell.

Even though I thought I was going to get white ones I

liked these much better.  They were my favorite

possession and to this day whenever I see anyone with

those shoes I instantly like them a lot better. 

Like this one time I slept with this guy partially because he had those shoes.

That and he was a rock star.

I mean it started like any other day for me does, right.

You know, I had to make this pie but all of the ingredients were hidden in the

haunted secret mansion on the hill outside my village. Just a normal day, know what I’m saying.

So I go on up to the haunted secret mansion to break in so I can get the ingredients to make the pie, but this day was different. Normally there’s a guard at the door, but this time it was a

shadow man. 

That’s the only way I can describe him–he was just a dark figure of

a person, like a 3D shadow that I could hug and dance

with. ‘Cause that’s what I wanted to do.

I just knew he was a rock star He was sitting there behind a trap set. He was a drummer see, and he was drumming and rocking so hard.

When I got up to the secret haunted mansion to steal ingredients for my pie

I saw that he was wearing those same shoes.

So we went out and got married and had a great afternoon

buying washing machines together.

But then when we got home, my mother

was watching television and she told me how scared she

was that the sun was going to fly out of the sky that

night. And I was like yeah right, and Rock So Hard Drummer was like yeah right,

but that night the sun went down and flew out of the sky.

So I went down to where I thought I saw it land.

There was a glowing orange sphere by the side of a lake. 

I went to the orb and stood by it and it grew from the size

of a basketball to the size of van. Suddenly, Rock So Hard Drummer was there,

but he was an old man. He came

stumbling out and said that I must see the man in the

pond.  I asked him how to get there and he said take

the sphere.

I got in the sphere and it went in the pond

Then it went much further down

than it was supposed to go and when it was really far

down it took a left and after a while there was a

beautiful mer-city.  There were mermaids and mermen and

merkids and houses and so on and so forth. Basically I got taken to the MerKing who told

me someone must give up there life and sit in the sun

for the good of humanity. Because it must be manned

and controlled and the person lives in it for 5,000

years.

And then my Mom was there and the Mer-King made us have

a competition to see who could

fill the most shoes with Reeses pieces before the

buzzer went off and there were shoes of all kinds and

I lost. So my Mom lost and had to give up her life and sit inside the sun for 5,000 years.

So I think shoes are a

symbol of where you have been and who you are or were.

And that’s what it’s like being Frostie Cribbs.

"The Dream Life of Frostie Cribbs" debuted February 15, 2002, performed by Amy McCurdy.

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