by Ed Malin

11 Saint Felix Street, #4F

Brooklyn, NY 11217

izanagi@hotmail.com

(917) 501 4503

Two librarians are in a bar drinking beer.

#1

pointing at a girl

Check her out!

#2

I did. Then I returned her.

#1

Ha!

#2

She circulates too much anyway.

#1

Now you’re sounding just like a librarian. I’m so happy we graduated from library school. I feel so cool.

#2

You know it baby. File me under 872.

#1

What’s that for?

#2

The classics!

#1

Right

#2

putting his finger to his hair and making a sizzle sound

Classic.

seeing another girl

Whoa, look at her!

#1

She’s a total 339.

#2

You mean Macroeconomics.

#1

Yeah.

#2

If the economy were that top heavy we’d all collapse.

#1

to the girl

Hey baby wanna project my growth?

#2

Man you could feed a small army with those things.

#1

Still, she’d have to be a 332.

BOTH

Inflation!

#2

You barely touched those wings, bro.

#1

moving plate over

They taste like card catalog. You can have ‘em if you want.

#2

Thanks!

#1

How’s your mom.

#2

Like she got dropped on her head in the overnight box.

#1

Yeah?

#2

She means well, she’s just spineless.

#1

A new dustjacket and she should be fine.

#2

Oh man, look at her.

#1

She’s kind of underage.

#2

She should have "Young Adult" written on her forehead. The kind you can only take out for a week at a time.

#1

I’d rather go out with that one, at the table.

#2

She looks like a real search engine.

#1

Nah. Looks like a tedious night. Biography. That would take hours to get through. And I don’t give a fuck.

#2

Dude, you ever think you’ve become–how shall I say this–a little withdrawn from living in the real world?

#1

I serve information. Not people.

#2

Yeah, but without people, real people, information would be a load of crap.

#1

I never think about those things. I think about…other things.

#2

You know where all the dirty books in the system are hidden.

#1

Well fine, people have needs. What do you want me to do about it?

#2

I thought you’d want to use your power over information to save the world or something.

#1

You mean put up a book display: our friends in Iraq, and hope the young generation saves the world? Or how about: My Paki Playmates? Afghanistan May Have Been Flattened, But It’s Not Just For Rugs?

#2

getting up

You’re a waste. I can’t believe I’m hanging out with you.

#1

Where are you going? I thought we were friends!

#2

Nah, I just used you as a study partner. Now we’re out. Welcome to the real world.

exit

"Two Librarians In A Bar Drinking Beer" debuted March 14, 2003, performed by Joshua James and Ed Malin.

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