Nelson Rockefeller is dead. I know Nelson Rockefeller. Nelson, "the richest man in the whole damn world" Rockefeller. I been to his house. The day I met him he was standin on the corner with some young suit guy, in the rain, with no umbrella. Old Nelson, Nelson Im not a gonna get wet in the rain" Rockefeller, no he had an umbrella. But the suit guy didnt. And he was getting wet. I pulled over and let them into my hack. They was goin to Rockefeller center, and I was gonna take em there. And so I did. The conversation on the trip lead me to believe that the wet suit guy was applying for a job with ole Nelson, "I got this gigantic freakin building named after me " Rockefeller, but neither one of em was interested in what I had to say. When I spoke up, Nelson, "Just a regular guy" Rockefeller would nod his head and say, "I see your point", or "I couldnt have said it better myself." But wet suit guy was wound up too tight, and told me to mind my own business right there in front of Nelson, "my old friend" Rockefeller. But when we get to Rockefeller center, the young wet suit guy tries to impress ole Nelson, like I say, hes lookin for a job. He pulls out a twenty and starts to hand it over sayin keep it. Thats a fourteen-dollar tip! But just as I go to grab the cash, Nelson, "the richest man in the world" Rockefeller grabs the twenty, pockets it and gives me exact change. Then this Nelson, "I got your twenty dollar tip" Rockefeller says to the wet suit guy, "you aint never gonna get rich thata way. And they walk off in the rain. You aint never gonna get rich thata way. Hrumph. Well neither am I. Well, I am just beside myself in anger. I start to plot and plan on how to get old Nelson, "you ain't never gonna get rich thata way" Rockefeller back and come to the realization he is the asshole, and not so much the wet suit guy. So Im thinkin how to make an impression on an asshole, whats the most important thing to an asshole? Paper. Thats it, toilet paper. Late that night I go to ole Nelson, "you aint never gonna get rich thata ways" house, sneak in and steal all the toilet paper. When he gets up in the morning he goes to take a shit and bang, no paper. Me I always look to see if theres paper first but Nelson aint never had to, all the servants and such waitin on him hand and foot all the time for whatever reason he dont look, dont see I got it all in my cab and he sits and cant move. To vein, too stupid, probly dont even know where they keep the extra. So any way, I can just see it, Nelson, "I aint got no toilet paper" Rockefeller hollers out but the house is big and nobody hears his cries for help and he dies, dies of starvation sittin on the shitter, waitin for me to bring him his toilet paper so he can go to work. Thats what happened and thats the truth. Thats what I know about Nelson, "died in the bathroom covered in shit" Rockefeller. And even if it didnt happen that way, you can still see the truth in it.THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
I think it was [taken by] jenny hicks, she took the photo with a polaroid and gave it to cindy. I am pretty sure the photo was taken just before, or more probably right after I finished my monologue about nelson rockefeller. I am in the actual bed of the truck sitting on either a stool or the back of a bent wood chair. I remember three pieces of furniture, all painted black.
Performed by Mark Lohman